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Gates Of Hell....

There are times when I relaize I need to calm my mind and apprecuiate all that is around me instea dof being anger, emotional and driven, there are days where I should just be enjoying the backyard with my parents dogs and forgetting that their is any outside world of course every positive emotion i can produce at this time leaves me a little more empty after a little while because i realize there is a void and something, Someone is Missing.. and if i think about it too much it will break my heart... what's left of that black mass that has died inside my chest and soul anyways... At least I can use the burning Emotion that is fueled by fire and anger to my advantage now... better than just sitting here despondent as a metaphoric heart bleeds away my very life blood sapping at my will.. this time next year everything will be different and somehow so much more familiar..NO more time for self doubt....I know why I hurt and why The fact the moment right now even tho I am happy, Happier than I've been for a long time... and more at peace with myself and my place in this world than I ever have been, the fact remains there is something missing... and every time I think about him, I can stare into the void of hell for hours and see nothing save my own reflection... If I allow myself to think I have failed as a father ever.. then I have... this is not my cross to bear.. Not Forever.

Current Mood: Depressed.
Current Music: Heroes of our time, Dragonforce.
There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits, you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little for the rest of us.

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