War Journal III: The War Continues.

I am so fucking sick of fighting, I am fighting merely to fight agian at this point, Why should I fight these battles.. I could simply walk away from my son and be a deadbeat dad as leave and go somewhere else like Vancouver, Victoria or Windsor and be done with this bullshit.... I am seriously questioning why I leave myself in This place constantly fighting an up hill battle that I am not going to win.. I know at the end of all this no matter the Outcome it will be worth it.. but I don't know how to give up even when i want to stop Fighting... it's in the blood.... There is No option but to continue fighting as I feel I will never ever give up.. but you know sometimes when you are fighting a losing battle a tacticalretreat may be the best thing... Leave the Hot zone and just wait and bide my time and let the enemy defeat itself.. of course doing that Sacrifes a lot of who and what I am and a lot of what I belive In.. I can weather this storm...It's just so damned tiring.. But i was never one for taking the fucking easy way out...It would just be too damned easy... and There is no getting rid of me.. Not as long as I still draw Breath.. the Only way to ever Stop me from fighting for the things I love and believe In Is to Kill me.. and No one is strong enough to do that.

Current Mood: Angry
Give me a minute, I'm good. Give me an hour, I'm great. Give me six months, I'm unbeatable.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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