War Journal III: The War Continues.

I am so fucking sick of fighting, I am fighting merely to fight agian at this point, Why should I fight these battles.. I could simply walk away from my son and be a deadbeat dad as leave and go somewhere else like Vancouver, Victoria or Windsor and be done with this bullshit.... I am seriously questioning why I leave myself in This place constantly fighting an up hill battle that I am not going to win.. I know at the end of all this no matter the Outcome it will be worth it.. but I don't know how to give up even when i want to stop Fighting... it's in the blood.... There is No option but to continue fighting as I feel I will never ever give up.. but you know sometimes when you are fighting a losing battle a tacticalretreat may be the best thing... Leave the Hot zone and just wait and bide my time and let the enemy defeat itself.. of course doing that Sacrifes a lot of who and what I am and a lot of what I belive In.. I can weather this storm...It's just so damned tiring.. But i was never one for taking the fucking easy way out...It would just be too damned easy... and There is no getting rid of me.. Not as long as I still draw Breath.. the Only way to ever Stop me from fighting for the things I love and believe In Is to Kill me.. and No one is strong enough to do that.

Current Mood: Angry
Give me a minute, I'm good. Give me an hour, I'm great. Give me six months, I'm unbeatable.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

51.

Happy birthday. Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Search This Blog