Days of Future Past II

It's time to Start over again and cut poison's out of my life that should never have been there in the first place, it's very telling that certain parts of my life are stuck in an endless loop and the same people or personality types keep creeping their way in... i seriously think that this next step will end up being a step forward and a step back, but it is time to take reflection and listen to the people that matter and let their voices be important rather than the voices in my own head and the voices of other's that only have their own interests at heart... It's time to just be for me, and about me.. I have one goal left in this fucking life and that should be the only thing I'm focused on, I should be far removed from other persons interpersonal bullshit and their sad and pathetic life... I have my own sad and pathetic life to focus on.. this isn't my darkest hour but it is damn close, i have had to suffer an indignity that i have never had to face before... it's not so much the knife to the back or the assault, but it is the fact that everything about this is wrong.. sometimes being the gentleman and being the right person or the better person is the wrong decision, sometimes being a creature of rage is exactly who I should be when dealing with certain people... i can handle my anger.. i just should focus it better.. if i had been smart i would have applied my rage in a positive direction after the initial incident, but then again if i had been the person i am and always have been without letting my guard down i would never have let some idiot get into my life without so many red flags..not a partner, not a friend, just a user and i let my self get suckered... i have no one to blame but myself.

Current Mood: Angry.
The future is not set. I’ve been told I said that once. Many years from now. It was a warning. That I was going to hell. But if I fought hard enough, I could escape. I believed it for a lifetime. Now I pray I was wrong. Because now I am in hell. We all are. And the future I used to dread is the only hope I have left.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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