Skip to main content

Days of Future Past II

It's time to Start over again and cut poison's out of my life that should never have been there in the first place, it's very telling that certain parts of my life are stuck in an endless loop and the same people or personality types keep creeping their way in... i seriously think that this next step will end up being a step forward and a step back, but it is time to take reflection and listen to the people that matter and let their voices be important rather than the voices in my own head and the voices of other's that only have their own interests at heart... It's time to just be for me, and about me.. I have one goal left in this fucking life and that should be the only thing I'm focused on, I should be far removed from other persons interpersonal bullshit and their sad and pathetic life... I have my own sad and pathetic life to focus on.. this isn't my darkest hour but it is damn close, i have had to suffer an indignity that i have never had to face before... it's not so much the knife to the back or the assault, but it is the fact that everything about this is wrong.. sometimes being the gentleman and being the right person or the better person is the wrong decision, sometimes being a creature of rage is exactly who I should be when dealing with certain people... i can handle my anger.. i just should focus it better.. if i had been smart i would have applied my rage in a positive direction after the initial incident, but then again if i had been the person i am and always have been without letting my guard down i would never have let some idiot get into my life without so many red flags..not a partner, not a friend, just a user and i let my self get suckered... i have no one to blame but myself.

Current Mood: Angry.
The future is not set. I’ve been told I said that once. Many years from now. It was a warning. That I was going to hell. But if I fought hard enough, I could escape. I believed it for a lifetime. Now I pray I was wrong. Because now I am in hell. We all are. And the future I used to dread is the only hope I have left.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...
Post a Comment
Read more

51.

Happy birthday.  Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.
Post a Comment
Read more

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 
Post a Comment
Read more