It's time to Start over again and cut poison's out of my life that should never have been there in the first place, it's very telling that certain parts of my life are stuck in an endless loop and the same people or personality types keep creeping their way in... i seriously think that this next step will end up being a step forward and a step back, but it is time to take reflection and listen to the people that matter and let their voices be important rather than the voices in my own head and the voices of other's that only have their own interests at heart... It's time to just be for me, and about me.. I have one goal left in this fucking life and that should be the only thing I'm focused on, I should be far removed from other persons interpersonal bullshit and their sad and pathetic life... I have my own sad and pathetic life to focus on.. this isn't my darkest hour but it is damn close, i have had to suffer an indignity that i have never had to face before... it's not so much the knife to the back or the assault, but it is the fact that everything about this is wrong.. sometimes being the gentleman and being the right person or the better person is the wrong decision, sometimes being a creature of rage is exactly who I should be when dealing with certain people... i can handle my anger.. i just should focus it better.. if i had been smart i would have applied my rage in a positive direction after the initial incident, but then again if i had been the person i am and always have been without letting my guard down i would never have let some idiot get into my life without so many red flags..not a partner, not a friend, just a user and i let my self get suckered... i have no one to blame but myself.
Current Mood: Angry.
The future is not set. I’ve been told I said that once. Many years from now. It was a warning. That I was going to hell. But if I fought hard enough, I could escape. I believed it for a lifetime. Now I pray I was wrong. Because now I am in hell. We all are. And the future I used to dread is the only hope I have left.
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