Creeping Darkness

I am Sick of sitting around Just waiting for my life to change, I sit patiently waiting for things to change and then i have had people take advantage of my situation to exploit me... i've done nothing fucking wrong and i feel so much more like a prisoner in my own life...i should let the darkness consume me and the anger and the rage overtake.... If I was a lesser man it would have happened already but you know what i've always tried to be the person that I am and always will be, but i can look back on the past and realize so many things about myself and my emotions and realize their's really no reason for me to have fucking kept them in check.... every-time i do it's another betrayal another stab in the fucking back.... at least the reality is i am at a fucking point in my life where i am about to close down and only have the important people in my life surrounding me, everyone else can fuck off...care and respect for those that have not earned it are futile emotions... i know i've made mistakes in my life and I gladly own up to them but when i have had emotional vampires surrounding me for so long it's time to cut them off.. i don't need greedy people in my life or the kind of people who only need me when they need something.... they want to see the real fucking me... here I am, here you are not.. that's the way things are going to be from now on..

Current Mood: Angry.
Current Music: Creeping Death, Metallica
There are times in everyone's life when something constructive is born out of adversity... when things seem so bad that you've got to grab your fate by the shoulders and shake it.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

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