Creeping Darkness

I am Sick of sitting around Just waiting for my life to change, I sit patiently waiting for things to change and then i have had people take advantage of my situation to exploit me... i've done nothing fucking wrong and i feel so much more like a prisoner in my own life...i should let the darkness consume me and the anger and the rage overtake.... If I was a lesser man it would have happened already but you know what i've always tried to be the person that I am and always will be, but i can look back on the past and realize so many things about myself and my emotions and realize their's really no reason for me to have fucking kept them in check.... every-time i do it's another betrayal another stab in the fucking back.... at least the reality is i am at a fucking point in my life where i am about to close down and only have the important people in my life surrounding me, everyone else can fuck off...care and respect for those that have not earned it are futile emotions... i know i've made mistakes in my life and I gladly own up to them but when i have had emotional vampires surrounding me for so long it's time to cut them off.. i don't need greedy people in my life or the kind of people who only need me when they need something.... they want to see the real fucking me... here I am, here you are not.. that's the way things are going to be from now on..

Current Mood: Angry.
Current Music: Creeping Death, Metallica
There are times in everyone's life when something constructive is born out of adversity... when things seem so bad that you've got to grab your fate by the shoulders and shake it.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

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