Skip to main content

Enter The Void.....

My life is always going to be half filled with darkness, I understand that, but sometimes it seems like the only think currently in my life is the fuckin darkness and I'm not just staring into the Void and having it whisper back, but I am embracing it wholeheartedly and letting it embrace me.. sometimes i think the person i was 20 years ago was far more equipped for this life than me.. when i lost my edge and mellowed i became someone who i never should have been.. i could sit for days inside of my rage against the world doing nothing... now all i do for day is sit and do nothing... I need to figure out how to move forward.. it's time to get less than comfortable, it's time to be hungry and cold and against the world again, I do not fucking trust anyone again.. that's the way things need to be at this point.... this last few weeks have been a reminder of the futility of letting anyone inside the sanctum i call what's left of my fragile heart and soul... Only a privileged few remain and they are the only ones that remain. it's time to become cold and hard, Like Ice.... If i'm going to be treated like a criminal, I might as well act like one.... Against the world.

Current Mood: Angry.
There are two things that one must get used to or one will find life unendurable: the damages of time and injustices of men.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...