Escalation IV....Path Of Destruction.

I am losing my Mind, and starting to make plans to say it all and stop pretending like I fucking care about anything in this world... I don't care and the longer i sit there and get fucking abused by the fucking world it makes me wonder if I still have a place in it... There is no Point to having any sort of material ownership because people are fucking jealous and will use any opportunity to steal everything for you, I worked my ass off the last few years to get and DO stuff that mother fucking needed to be done.. And for what... to be used and discarded at the earliest fucking opportunity...I'm sick of the fucking storm and worse than that I'm sick of watching my life and watching shattered pieces of it lie at my feet bleeding.... I can see that it would be so much easier to fucking walk away than to deal with any of that shit.. I can't feel anything but fucking Numb right now... Fucking bitch A damages my life and takers everything away.. and then this other bitch destroys what's left? i wasn't even fucking dating her... she was just someone i rented from. Now i've lost everything.... that's ok I've been thru this path of fucking destruction before... and I don't mind.. because i know how to keep my mouth shut and brood and be angry... I know what the next step is.... patience.. I'm just running out of it.

Current Mood: Angry, Depressed, Sad.
Current Music: My Friend of Misery, Metallica.
Despair is anger with no place to go.

Comments

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Villian

I've never gave a rats ass about being the bad guy. But I have cared about being a fairweather freind and how I reflect on being a role model to my son. I will walk away from any bad actors or bad relationships that endanger the relationship I am slowly attempting to rebuild. I know I can be a prick. But when you hurt someone I care about, I do not trust you that you may affect those I care about. I burn bridges with gasoline while I'm standing upon them. It wont be the first multiple decade freindship ive demolished, it won't be the last. Im starting to reevaluate a lot of drinking buddies agian to see who is actually something and who I just party with. If I'm obviously moving in a direction thats going to have me ghosting someone whose been around for a minute, so be it. It wont even be the first one this year. I dont look back. And I dont care, if I exclude you from my life, thats an ending that's where its done. I am making choices for my future and its pret...

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