Escalation IV....Path Of Destruction.

I am losing my Mind, and starting to make plans to say it all and stop pretending like I fucking care about anything in this world... I don't care and the longer i sit there and get fucking abused by the fucking world it makes me wonder if I still have a place in it... There is no Point to having any sort of material ownership because people are fucking jealous and will use any opportunity to steal everything for you, I worked my ass off the last few years to get and DO stuff that mother fucking needed to be done.. And for what... to be used and discarded at the earliest fucking opportunity...I'm sick of the fucking storm and worse than that I'm sick of watching my life and watching shattered pieces of it lie at my feet bleeding.... I can see that it would be so much easier to fucking walk away than to deal with any of that shit.. I can't feel anything but fucking Numb right now... Fucking bitch A damages my life and takers everything away.. and then this other bitch destroys what's left? i wasn't even fucking dating her... she was just someone i rented from. Now i've lost everything.... that's ok I've been thru this path of fucking destruction before... and I don't mind.. because i know how to keep my mouth shut and brood and be angry... I know what the next step is.... patience.. I'm just running out of it.

Current Mood: Angry, Depressed, Sad.
Current Music: My Friend of Misery, Metallica.
Despair is anger with no place to go.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no lon...

Serpent's Kiss.

I pass in and out of peoples lives. sometimes i wonder why they come back. sometimes i wonder if the issue is me. i do grand things and i back up my plans and words and maybe sometimes thats too much for some. but all i have ever asked from those that i love is honesty. i don't care if things fall apart. all i need is the truth. I'm getting to the point i don't trust fucking anyone. and being betrayed by those that are at best fairweather fucking friends when im not exactly finacally fucking stable. there are reasons i keep my circle small and those i truly trust even closer. it takes a lot to be a part of my life and and i am seriously considering withdrawing from some of my social activities again because it seems like the last couple years they just turn to shit and all i am doing is losing money. i have stopped caring about a lot of people in the past and it can be real fuckin easy for me to walk away from agian. id rather work on the relationships both old and new th...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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