Escalation IV....Path Of Destruction.

I am losing my Mind, and starting to make plans to say it all and stop pretending like I fucking care about anything in this world... I don't care and the longer i sit there and get fucking abused by the fucking world it makes me wonder if I still have a place in it... There is no Point to having any sort of material ownership because people are fucking jealous and will use any opportunity to steal everything for you, I worked my ass off the last few years to get and DO stuff that mother fucking needed to be done.. And for what... to be used and discarded at the earliest fucking opportunity...I'm sick of the fucking storm and worse than that I'm sick of watching my life and watching shattered pieces of it lie at my feet bleeding.... I can see that it would be so much easier to fucking walk away than to deal with any of that shit.. I can't feel anything but fucking Numb right now... Fucking bitch A damages my life and takers everything away.. and then this other bitch destroys what's left? i wasn't even fucking dating her... she was just someone i rented from. Now i've lost everything.... that's ok I've been thru this path of fucking destruction before... and I don't mind.. because i know how to keep my mouth shut and brood and be angry... I know what the next step is.... patience.. I'm just running out of it.

Current Mood: Angry, Depressed, Sad.
Current Music: My Friend of Misery, Metallica.
Despair is anger with no place to go.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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