Skip to main content

Dead Memories...

There are constant reminder's that this used to be my life and it isn't now.. it's sad when i see old friends and old places and wonder what things could have been on the path not chosen, but i look at other people and friends and understand that even if things had been different we still would have moved on and grown apart, but that's cool... i'm not hanging out in the past and trying to recreate what was... I am much more comfortable knowing in my own skin that i could return and start a new life same as I did ten years ago....i have roots here, people that i care about and people that care about me...I have some options here and elsewhere and unlike elsewhere it doesn't feel like i am slowly moving backward in my life.. i am respected here and I Have something here that can never be taken away, good or bad the friends and colleagues i made here were on my own merits not because of anything, i didn't limit my social life to one person and I didn't care what others thought of me.. out here i Truly lived my life possibly for the first time... and of course someone else took that away.. but as long as i don't let it affect me i can always return.. in fact i never should have left....I didn't know what i had when I did, I just knew things were more important on a higher level but I could return here in a moment, unfortunate over the last few years i have lost sight of that.... my anchor is here... it's the way it should be... a part of my soul remains every time i leave.

Current Mood: Sad
There's much to be said for challenging fate instead of ducking behind it.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

51.

Happy birthday.  Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.