Skip to main content

Friday the 13th...

My life holds plenty of questions for me and sometimes, days like today have me wondering what could have been and why in some people lives that i was once close why that I am on the outside looking in.. of course some of the reasons and rational can be ascribed to a certain person who i have had to sacrifice things for..other things are for entirely different reasons, i can't help but feel removed from my friends and some other people because i made a choice and left solid friendships forever damaged... I know that i have always been the nomadic type but it is still annoying to see who is truly my friends and has my back in times of sorrow and need and who is merely someone who say they are my friend but really all they are is someone i used to know, i understand this well, it's faded glory and old memories that somehow i am trying to live thru on my vacation to quicken me once again, I can't go back to the person i was.. and for once that person was taken away from me not of my choice... I have changed, people around me have changed.. and only those closest to me know really who I am.. and some of them are proving themselves and others are in their own way proving themselves... I can never question the choice i made because it was the only choice, but it saddens me to see what is the ruins of the life i had here.. who matters here and who doesn't... it will make the choice to return or not that much easier in November.

Current Mood: Sad.

If a man harbors any sort of fear, it percolates through all his thinking, damages his personality, makes him landlord to a ghost.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more