He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask) II

I am Home, this place is where i am most comfortable and there are things I would change if it was possible... I am happiest here, and it may have taken a little while to get back into the groove but given a choice this would have been the Final Destination, But that wasn't how it has played out so I merely deal with what has, I am happiest when i have the wind at my hair and a guitar on my back and I'm hanging out downtown on Oulette with the wild and crazy street matching my own personality and just playing guitar and being happy with myself, It was here i came of age, here where the walls i had surrounding myself came down, here where i made peace with myself, I blurred the lines between Bones and Nick here and became a better person because of it, the good thing about being here is I am myself again and I am reminded of Who and what I am without any of the baggage that comes from The four walls and a funeral of my lives in Hamilton and Niagara, when I am here I am truly me, I stand alone on my own merits, No one judges who i am and where I've been.... I don't have to deal with negative nonsense and certain expectations here...here it's not about the story it's about who I am who I have proved myself to be.. to be real to myself and others, i don't hide anything about myself but up here... I am skin and Bones...I am Stripped bare...People know exactly who i am. I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not and don't have to deal with the fact that my world is Crumbling because I'm not surrounded by it every day and yet I have to wake up with the passion and strength to fight every single fucking day... here i can just play my guitar and be me.. coming here was a good decision. I will Miss it when i return and It will take some careful soul searching over the next few months to decide where my path will ultimately Lead.

Current Mood: Happy.

And when man faces destiny, destiny ends and man comes into his own.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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