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This Was My Life

In some ways Windsor has changed a little bit, but given that those are only minor things and not consequential to my life this place is still very much the same, maybe the downtown isn't the vibrant memroy that it once was and if i do indeed return I will have to find employment, the fact remains that most of the people and things i care about are still here and still mean something to me, some of those things were momentarily forgetten for years due to the decisions i myself have made, now it is a bridge between what was and what is and what has been taken away, I have unfinished buisness here, on day soon i should attend to that, for the moment this place remains an option, a promise unfulfilled, i came here to accomplish something, I got sidetracked.. maybe it's time to seriously consider coming back to it, I did not take away my life someone else did, and She only Affects my fucking destiny as long as I allow her to, maybe it means that i have to make a very large sacrifice and never agian find myself whole... But maybe that's what I takes for the moment, decisions and actions are going to be put into places in the next few months, the ball is rolling, but maybe to win the war you have to ultimately let go of it, and the past... it's Funny how i have the same People around me standing strong that I did when I left here, and has me seriously considering a return, Windsor Is truly the first place i put down roots and wanted to be something more than my so called destiny, I found myself here and I will be damned if I let anyone take that away from me, I just have to come to decision on where I want to be the rest of my life, it is clear to me that I am just spending time in Hamilton waiting for the next chapter of my life to Continue and it's possible that the particular chapter could be written here, It's one option... I often wonder what my life had been like so many years ago if I had chosen to walk away rather than to get involved, Maybe like so many times before I would have been pursued, maybe I would have been left alone, free to be the nomad with no ties, free to walk my destiny alone...But that wasn't the option then, My resolve then as strong as it is now, I just no longer know how much longer I can continue to fight when I know I can go elsewhere and find true peace, both within myself and within others, there's no judgement here.. no so called Friends abandoning you because of their own personal and petty issues... here, my friends and I forged in less fires than others, but people that i have open to, that i have shared my life with, that I have let get to know me... this place is home, and there are reasons for spending my summer here... But it hurts when i get a momentary distraction and I look to the past, This year will be the year that I either return to my Life here or I do not, there will be a break point at some time in the near future, This was MY life, I don't know more why I chose to walk away instead of making it work here, but that was my decision, and right or wrong it was the fucking decision I made... soon very soon, all of this will come to a head and the next step of my evolution will continue, sometimes A step back into a place you once knew isn't a bad thing... I know that I am safe here.. I know that for whatever I am am, Here I am that man on my own merits, not because of any past history or anyone I Once knew, here I am Home.... I only wish I understood that sooner.

Current Mood: Sad.

Peace - that was the other name for home.


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