He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask) IV

I'm back Bitches.... batteries are recharged and I feel ready to take on the world.... the fact i get a little added extended vacation out of the deal helps too as there is really no reason that i need to ever be heading home at this point, the nomadic lifestyle is easy and it suits me but the reality is I have to make some concrete plans for my life and future and use the forward momentum from this last month and the way i'm feeling to enact some real change instead of just saying I'm going to do something, the chess pieces have to be carefully places, the pawns placed and sacrificed and every move has to count, No more acting on Impulse like I am usually prone to do it's time to be the destructive force that has been my life and channel that energy into positive things again... I am good person and I did not deserve any of the last year... I can't belive it took the last month to realize how much of a person I am and while a part of my soul is missing and most of what i define myself as is gone.. there are other things that make me.. ME!!!! and i learned and realized that while i was gone....

Current Mood: Determined.
People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

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