This Was My Life IV

There are things left undone here, and there are tons of memories both good and bad here.. i am not going to be leaving here without anything but a sense of purpose and the reality is if I want to, someday very soon i can return here and my life that I had then and the life that i would have now would not be so dissimilar, only one thing would be missing, and that honestly is the only X-factor. I need to start working on dismantling the house of cards that my life has turned into and really sit around and give some thought to the next action on the fractured chessboard that is my life, I can no Longer sit around waiting for something in my life to change.. I have to change it for myself, being here has opened my eyes, I am happy here, I am comfortable here... and the truth is I never should have left and although i had my reasons there is the fact that it remains the one place where everything in my life has led up to... and everything past here... with the single exception of my child has been a detour in my life.... and that's not the way things should have been.

Current Mood: Depressed.
A man cannot free himself from the past more easily than he can from his own body.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Dying False King.

I am a ghost and a spectre in a lot of peoples lives that I have touched. Some I shouldn’t be, and some I have willingly walked away for my own mental health. I’m starting to get to that point with many things in my life agian. I thought it would be easier to live a simple life and just have fun but I think it’s harder than when I worked my face off as a father. At least then my enemies didn’t pretend to be my freinds and the world wasn’t falling apart slowly. Just my world. I think I prefer whatever that was then compared to what the world is now. I have my own life and adventures and I don’t need anyone that doesn’t want or need to be in my life. I have fun with what I do and don’t let negative sources affect my life. If you’re gonna drag me down, I’ll be gone. That’s how it works. You’re not going to disturb my fucking peace. That’s what the metal shows are for. That is anger’s release. Plus to have fun.

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