Part of me wants to be here and another part of me wants to be in Hamilton pretending everything is cool and I am moving on in my life, the truth is, only in Windsor did i ever find any stability or a place to belong... the monster did not and could not follow me out here.. but something else did, would choices and the wild chess game that might life is had played out differently had i chosen to stay I am sure of that..but my life is what it is... anywhere right now i go I am going to endure struggle and a lack of knowing what comes next... i have accepted that fact.... the only way to make sure that No One can control me is to be exactly that uncontrollable... i make my destiny no one else.... but it is getting to a point where the insanity of all my past lives makes me wonder if the paths not taken at many points in my life were not the right one... I can't imagine any other choices that i have made would lead me into this direction... now I am rolling the dice and trying to decide what to do to salvage my dreams and my life.. and i almost wonder if i need to tear out the one piece of my soul that is left.. the one piece of my heart that remains just to find inner peace... then again i can stare all day at my fractured expression in a mirror and know still that whatever i choice i make.. that sacrifice won't be one of them.
Current Mood: Still conflicted.
Ghosts seem harder to please than we are; it is as though they haunted for haunting’s sake -- much as we relive, brood, and smoulder over our pasts.
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