There Goes The Neighborhood....

it is very clear to me that I have followed the wrong path in choosing to leave Windsor, This is my place, this is where I am supposed to be, the darker parts of my world don't exist here and that's the way it should be, i have to give some serious consideration to returning, there is a house with a room for both me and my little boy and there are opportunities here, maybe it's time to push and get my life back in order instead of letting the deceiver manipulate things to the point where she once again controls my life... she left once, she should never have been allowed to return to stab me in the back, when i look on the wreckage of my life it is not from here, It is my choices and my decisions alone that defined that... but maybe the possibility of healing is the choice.. to return home... and that's what this place is.. there is no past and no destiny for me here.. only that which i defined, not anyone else....and i am still the master and the determinator of that destiny.... this is Home... this is where my happiest memories are, and this is where I should be... only one thing prevents that, and that is the love for my son, but if it comes down to it.. I will make both realities work, i never should have sacrificed one for the other, This is Home... but my Heart resides Elsewhere.

Current Mood: Happy, but Sad too.
Home is not where you live, but where they understand you.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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