There Goes The Neighborhood....

it is very clear to me that I have followed the wrong path in choosing to leave Windsor, This is my place, this is where I am supposed to be, the darker parts of my world don't exist here and that's the way it should be, i have to give some serious consideration to returning, there is a house with a room for both me and my little boy and there are opportunities here, maybe it's time to push and get my life back in order instead of letting the deceiver manipulate things to the point where she once again controls my life... she left once, she should never have been allowed to return to stab me in the back, when i look on the wreckage of my life it is not from here, It is my choices and my decisions alone that defined that... but maybe the possibility of healing is the choice.. to return home... and that's what this place is.. there is no past and no destiny for me here.. only that which i defined, not anyone else....and i am still the master and the determinator of that destiny.... this is Home... this is where my happiest memories are, and this is where I should be... only one thing prevents that, and that is the love for my son, but if it comes down to it.. I will make both realities work, i never should have sacrificed one for the other, This is Home... but my Heart resides Elsewhere.

Current Mood: Happy, but Sad too.
Home is not where you live, but where they understand you.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

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