Skip to main content

.....Without A Trace.

It would be very easy to leave my current life behind and return to my established life that part of my soul has never truly left in Windsor, large chunks of my soul are located here, and their is only one thing keeping me from returning full time, i cannot say that regret leaving because I don't... their were bigger things to deal with at the time.. but this is the choice not taken and the options are here, the friends are here, and the personalities i like to surround myself with are here... here it's just like I never left.... Hamilton, I am a ghost rotting in an empty house, all my accomplishments there are gone and I am barely holding on... it's much easier to deal with the devil I know from here than to wonder what the future holds and the future will be there.... The push will begin very soon when i return back to Hamilton, but it would be very fucking easy to pack up and forgot about the whole central region and just come home.... here, i could be on my street where i lived, doing whatever the fuck I want hiding in plain sight, yet it would require effort to find me... the deal breaker's gonna be November, but i am seriously thinking fuck it all and coming back home.... dispeearing without a trace. I belong here, Not elsewhere, trying to make a go at a life that was never truly mine but instead was forced on me by circumstances.

Current Mood: Determined.
The past is our definition. We may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

  I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about.  I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love.  Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love.  The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do.  And only one of us has it. 

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change  This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.