Skip to main content

.....Without A Trace.

It would be very easy to leave my current life behind and return to my established life that part of my soul has never truly left in Windsor, large chunks of my soul are located here, and their is only one thing keeping me from returning full time, i cannot say that regret leaving because I don't... their were bigger things to deal with at the time.. but this is the choice not taken and the options are here, the friends are here, and the personalities i like to surround myself with are here... here it's just like I never left.... Hamilton, I am a ghost rotting in an empty house, all my accomplishments there are gone and I am barely holding on... it's much easier to deal with the devil I know from here than to wonder what the future holds and the future will be there.... The push will begin very soon when i return back to Hamilton, but it would be very fucking easy to pack up and forgot about the whole central region and just come home.... here, i could be on my street where i lived, doing whatever the fuck I want hiding in plain sight, yet it would require effort to find me... the deal breaker's gonna be November, but i am seriously thinking fuck it all and coming back home.... dispeearing without a trace. I belong here, Not elsewhere, trying to make a go at a life that was never truly mine but instead was forced on me by circumstances.

Current Mood: Determined.
The past is our definition. We may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...