This Was My Life VI

Another day and my epic trip is over, And i have learned that while this place feels like home, and things have changed here but not so much that i could not return if i chose to, my freinds are my freinds and the people here wherever i may go are always going to be around and always going to stand by me.. there's a few that may have fell by the wayside but my good freinds will always be there, no matter if they are here, hamilton, brantford or wherever, it's about who supports you and has your back and that's all that's fucking important, will i miss the freedom and the anyoninty that i have here that I no longer have down In the other end of the world, sure, but you know what, the last couple days all I have talked about is my life back home and my child and how important that is to me.. it's time to go back, batteries recharged and finish the battle... i have accomplished once agian what i set out to do here and have a few ideas of where the future could tell me, so unlike how i was feeling before locked into a particular path... which i had had the feeling of for years.... even before all of the nonsense with work and my personal life... now I know that their are divergent paths and that I have options, what's left for me is to explore all of them, this was my life up here... It isn't anymore... for the moment.

Current Mood: Determined.

What you have become is the price you paid to get what you used to want.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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