Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Posts

Anchor.

The war is over. Every battle needed to be fought is done. I’m slowly picking up the pieces of what’s left of my life and moving on. I used to think all we were in each other others life was the constants that we would always find a way back to. But the fucking reality is that you are the anchor around my neck dragging me down. You might as well a be fucking noose. You’ve always been the albatross. You were never the bird of good fortune, you brought my life to ruin and even this little bit of a moment where I’m happy all in my own little universe, you have me doubting that. That’s ok, I won’t let you destroy it this time, that’s my job. I’ll burn it down myself agian instead. Once I had hoped for a different outcome, but I know now that only one of us lives in a reality that would allow for that. One of us ends up broken and hurt and longing for a world that was barely a moment two decades ago. And the other pretends nostalgic when someone or something is missing in her black hole

Nobody’s Daughter.

We are merely two old souls that grew up in the wrong decade and outlived our usefulness to each other for a moment based on the worlds and families expectations. But then again only one of us fucking lives in this reality, you call in the weirdness of night and play mindgames and I expect me to always answer the damn phone and play nice. I have my own damn reasons for answering that phone and it’s more about my fears about the world you insist on fucking living in… or that you pretend to fucking live in. I will always be the better person because I don’t play games and I leave my emotions on my sleeve, I just don’t let my fucking emotions for you define my fucking life or actions anymore. I did that for a long time. It wasn’t fucking worth it. It still isn’t now. You continue to play mind games and wonder why i end up with a thicker skin and have quit trying multiple times. You lie to me and I know you well enough to hear it in your voice, you never could lie to me, what makes you

Twilight Of The Thunder God II

I am sick and tired of the selfish people in my life. I have things to do and plans to occupy my time. One of these days I’m just going to walk away and pretend I don’t exist. That’s the way I’m constantly treated anyways unless someone wants fucking something for me. It’s ridiculous and I’m done with it. I’m better off all alone and on my own. I never look back and I don’t even look fucking sideways when someone indicates that I’m only needed in their fucking life at their convenience. That’s not fair. That’s not how I lived my life. I was there for people. Now I’m not going to be there for anyone. I don’t care anymore. I do interesting things. I don’t need money or people that don’t need to be there to hang on my nuts to pretend to be by my side. When there is an unequal balance of who does for who? Fuck it. I’ll withdraw. I’m sick of being being used and I’m sick of a lot of the people in my life who say they are gonna be there till the end and always have my back and when push com

Such Fun: Ain't It Fun II

I chose to have my life and do my things, I will always provide for my son and be willing to listen when you want to talk. But I’m not going to just be a satellite character in anyones life. That’s not who I am, that’s not who I’ll ever be in this lifetime. I’m going to always be there in the background with my shadow looming large, I’m his father I don’t have a choice to be. However I like my life and I don’t want yours. I’m not going to just come back to the moment because it’s your last damn option. You’ve made its very clear I’m disposable in your life. And I have a good life now. You’re not needed. It’s going to take a lot to change that, and respect and trust has a lot to do with that. I have dealt with a lot of my problems and the things that dragged me down, I don’t need yours. I’m willing to help but I watch you miserable in your life and needing me, and I’ll never be that, I’ll never need you or anyone else in that way. I’m strong and independent, while it can get lonely, I

Damaged.

You weren't picky about who got hurt. Still aren't. So don't preach at us like you're some kind of saint. You're just another sinner. I am simply what came next. This is your creation. I weaponized myself against the pure soul I once was because you destroyed that. I can clean up nice. I can even pretend that things are different, I can forget yesterday for a moment in a bottle, but it’s not your bottle. But never mistake. I am not nice. I am not yours. I never will be again. I am in control of my life rather than riding the waves of chaos I did as a child and when we were together. I am in the drivers seat rather than pretending that one day you might come back and save me…. … there wasn’t a soul left to save on the first place. You destroyed that a decade ago. You knew I was broken and you chipped away at all the good that was left until you got to the black core. And that’s all that is left of me now. That’s who I choose to be. An evil man who does good thin

Tolerate.

I don’t let problematic people into my life anymore. If I tolerate you now, despite all your flaws and the knife in my back every time you keep coming back, it’s only an expression of the deep feeling I have and have always had for you. However, that isn’t the blood tie that binds us… you and I know that. I walked away once and never looked back. You betrayed me and I had no fucking reason to ever look back in to see how you were doing. Little did I know that was the only the beginning of your little betrayals. I wish I could live in your world, but one of us has to live in reality. One of us has to be the Noble demon and answer for all of our sins. God knows it will never be you and you’re altered reality Alice. Brick by boring brick I rebuilt my fucking world, it’s not much but at least it’s mine. I get to be angry. I get to hold a grudge. Every olive branch that you’ve fucking burned. I’m done. I may have given you my word. But that moment is almost upon us. And once it’s done it’