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Bela Lugosi’s Dead.

The bats have left the bell tower.  And another chapter in my life ends. One with more negatives than positives. Same reasons as the last time I was associated with anything other than myself. At least the last time I left something like this I was walking away from money. This time, I am walking away from exactly fucking nothing of value. All it ever was, it was an albatross around my neck. It started bad and it ended quietly. With the same quiet knives of jealousy in my back that had always been there. At least when I’m an asshole I’ll come at you directly with a fucking rhinoceros in a China shop attitude. I don’t hide behind others and I stand behind the words I say. I don’t apologize because it’s a sign of weakness. And I don’t care, because I have bigger things in my life and my world than this. I walked away from all this when it made me money and miserable. Now all it does is make me miserable. There’s no reason for me to continue and I don’t do plastic two faced people. At...
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Return To The Abyss.

If anyone thinks they can take advantage of me and the people I care about, they are sadly mistaken. I walk away from people I love because of their bullshit. Someone who is merely there in my life? Yeah, I’m fucking out. I don’t need emotional vampires that suck me dry in my life. I will walk away from anything and everything at this point. I no longer give a damn about anything other than myself when it comes to your opinion.  This decision and many others have been a long fucking time coming and to be honest I’m better off doing my own thing alone and solo. Because it’s better off for all involved. There’s still a temper and there is still the old me hidden underneath this attempt at seeking peace. I’m not a nice guy, I’ve never claimed to be a nice guy. And I’m not keeping my fucking mouth shut.  No one fucking uses me, Period. And thats all I’ve felt I’ve been over the last few years. By a number of people in my professional life and my personal life. So maybe at this mom...
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The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact.  You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family.  Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...
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Xero Fucks Given.

I don’t lack for companionship or freinds. I can be with whoever I want. Why am I going to chase anyone anymore is beyond me, I have a fun life and I do fun things… why care if I have a past that once upon a time I wanted to go back to and fix a fractured fucking fairy tale. I have better options.  I don’t care at the end of the day about anyone being in my life because let’s be honest no one has my back except myself. You’d think if you truly loved me you’d be around instead of playing games for 25 years. I deserve better, I’ve always deserved better. And now when my life is better for the lack of you being in it, I’m not regretting the fact you’ve managed to push yourself away agian. That’s on you, it’s gone from apathy, to anger to nothingness. All you’ve managed to do my entire life you’ve been involved in it is attempt to control me and keep me trapped in a place where I would simply need to depend on you. I’ve been on my own over thirty years… I didn’t need you before then, I...
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Mean Man.

If you fuck with my freinds and family I will hunt you down and deal with you. Currently Dealing with that in stereo has not been fun esp with it all in my head as well.  I have no issues shutting down and going quiet until Things go over and are dealt with.  If I’m fucking willing to give up what I care about most to help deal with this situation you better bet your ass I will make sure that it is followed through to the very end. I’m a not a nice person, and I’m not a very good person either. I know where I stand when it comes to protecting my family and friend’s tho. I’ll be smart and careful about it but I’m strong enough to take the fall. And I know who to ask for back up. 
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Problems.

When you attack a person that actively supports me being with you because those are my choices and my emotions even tho she has her reservations about it, it’s not fair that you get to attack her and use her against me.  I’ll never allow you to attack my friend’s. It’s part of why we aren’t together. You can’t deal with the fact I have platonic non sexual femaleFreinds. Fucks sakes I grew up in a single parent home with my mom and sisters… why can’t I have female freinds? Because of your jealousy? You play that card I go radio silent. I don’t care even if you’ve put the carrot on the fish hook. I love him, with all my heart. Some days I even do the same for you. But you’re not going to control me and tell me what to do, that’s why it fell apart in the first place and you destroyed my life for the first time.. all that social isolation. And then you discarded me like a used toy. Like I was nothing. Now you want me to abandon some of the people that helped me Pick up the pieces? No. ...
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Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 
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