Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story. Things are Improving for me and I am starting to both concentrate on real priorities and Finishing this up with a dignified exit rather than slowly limping along waiting for one day for it to all magicilly be gone, yes this stupid toy gig did help with a lot of things over the last two years and without it I wouldn't be standing as strong as I am here today, I would be much more of a broken man, But it's time to walk away very soon before it breaks me, it already is an albatross placed around my neck by yet another person I used to call aquainatance, and once upon a time when i trusted him freind, but the reality is this gig has always been about Money for everyone. I have made my peace with that. it's just no longer neccasary for it to continue to be a constant part of my life. I will keep the nice things and some of the other things but I would rather have things that are cooler and more age aprioate

Warriors feel pain and fear.. but they never show it and their tears just rolls down as blood..... Another part of this 2 year story is at an end and while i will Miss the fact that it was a weekly little bit of money in my pocket i will not miss the times when it took months to often get the money for things that provided previously. it will be nice soon to go back to being a collector and having this gig be a hobby that provided nice things for me and my son.. No longer do I want it to be my income, No longer do I want it to be an albatross around my neck. it has been an interesting couple of years and i have done things that were interesting and fun and i will in the end have two glass shelves that are testament to the fact that for the past two years i had an interesting job, But No longer. It's not something I want once the bulk of whatever's left in the locker is gone. I like the nice things but there comes a time to walk away from this, and it's very close. I have

I know what I'm capable of; I am a soldier now, a warrior. I am someone to fear, not hunt. You're the hunter, the warrior. You're stronger than anyone else here, that's your tragedy. Once agian the Stall Mindgames are contuining and the fact that I am being relied to provide documents and things that I know will not be released is frustrating, The war continues and now I have to fight the system once agian, even tho it should be a part of the story in the past.... either I divorce myself from the situation and Let the Lawyer deal with the situation or I be my usual asshole Hulk Smash self and do what I usually do and kick down a few doors to get some answers, But for the life of me i am so fucking tired of fighting and being the only person on my side. doing the right thing and never getting anything for it is so fucking frustrating, I am sick of being the only voice out there for his interests, It's a role I'll play till I die or he comes of age or both. b

Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence. Four fucking years, this is getting ridiculous, we are almost at the point where the date of this hell beginning in april 2011 and I am having Insane fucking arguments with someone who has been nothing more than a fucking detriment to the entire case and has no emotional relationship to the case at all, I fucking hate dealing with robots, esp. robots that refuse to admit they have made mistakes... I am at war, If I have to go it alone then I will, I have no Qualms about that, It's my battle to Lose, Something that I will never fucking Allow. it gets frustrating when those that are supposedly on my side legally just allow things to continue to languish and do nothing. A;; the fucking planning and moving ahead in my quest to restore things to their natural order mean nothing when so called allies are not truly on my side, And to be engaged in an argument for someone Else's mistakes and Being bullied

Most of the bad guys in the real world don't know that they are bad guys. You don't get a flashing warning sign that you're about to damn yourself. It sneaks up on you when you aren't looking There are things in my life I don't like and It's time to start addressing some of them, ands eradicating them from my life, but for the moment some of those things I dislike are the things that keep me going every day, a man cannot live and eat and breathe on hate alone, i have taken a half step back from all of these conflicting and corrupting demons within me as well as taking a minute to look at what I have, what i have had, what I need and what's Important. I am well aware of where I stand in my life and it's Nowhere close to where i want to be, I should happy as hell right now and Instead I am am constantly given to anger and/or depressed. I know how to direct that sadness and anger into the right direction and/blow off steam with some of my entertainments o

Always leave a way out, unless you really want to find out how hard a man can fight when he’s nothing to lose.
 It's Time for me to advance the fucking Plot and make things happen, there is only one way I know how to get fucking things done and get results, That's with a size 11 wide boot being kicked into a a door, I know I am an Intimidating motherfucker. there's No time left to be Anything But when both Ally's and enemies ain't done shit just hoping i'd fuck off and go away. it's time for me to take matters into my own fucking hands and make things happen, I don't have any fear of anyone or anything or the consquences for myself. the only person I'm worried about it affecting is my little boy. It is the only thing I fear these days Is losing him completely. the fact that in recent days it's been made clear in my mind that I am the only one Legally that has his Intrests At heart, and the people that are so called Helpers are just looking aft

Every step in life is merely part of a game. Every piece is necessary, but if you do not know how to control the game, then you become one of the pieces that are meant to be sacrificed. It is interesting when it seems only one is truly fighting the fucking battle on my end, I am royally pissed off currently by the situation that was discovered this week... it's time to bare those famous teeth of mine and start ripping out some flesh and blood so fucking things get done. this a game of chess for my child's soul, and when the pawns do nothing the game can be lost. I am sitting here brooding but that will only last so long until; i decide to put on my big boy boots and start kicking down doors... it's fucking ridiculous that i am the only one fighting, yet agian, story of my life.. It's been a constant freind my entire life, one war or battle agianst the world or the system my entire fucking life... it should not be the determining factor of his as well, i grew up strong

They say love inspires. Guess what inspires more? An enemy. This is a War of Attrition, I can't fight this psychological chess game by myself and it royally fucking pisses me off that the people that are supposed to be looking after my intrests down in Niagara are fuckin slacking, I get everything that was needed to be fucking done, and months pass and the fact that things are left hanging and/or have not been fucking done doesn't give me any faith in the court system anymore, we are 2 Months away from the flashpoint of this entire fucking game starting 4 years ago, this is going to be a year of reckoning and i definetly am starting to think of exactly what the next step is, I'm not opposed to the whole scorched earth policy when it comes to my enemy and even so called allies, this isn't and hasn't been about me, but for every day that ticks away i become farther and farther away from him, and every second that passes is another moment of his life I have been den

Not everyone is so far over the edge they can't come back. Sometimes people just... just get lost. They just need someone to show them how to come back. Spending a day and splitting my fucking melon open a little is not the ideal way i want to spend and afternoon, but at this point the more and more i look upon the albatross around my neck in terms of this toy bullshit the more i want away from it, 300$ in arrears almost 2k owed before that and the other person in the equation is a ghost, theres an answer for that, it's a Scorched earth policy... get rid off all of it, recover my fucking costs, and walk away. I have more imprtant things that should be dominating my time rather than being miserable about this pathetic bullshit that is nothing more than an annoyance, at this popint walking away not only seems like a fucking option, it seems like the only option, it's payed legal bills, it's dealt with things and made it a little easier to continue the fight to get my li