Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you I am happy. This weekend was a great weekend and i had a blast at the concert with two of my oldest freinds. There are memories here, and i am still making them.. both with new and old friends that have had my back. but As with all things there comes a time where physically i am not needed to be in this city anymore.. and the depression and pain can only be blunted by things i do.. it's ever present.. and I don't feel that way elsewhere... my friends will stay my friends and they all want me to fucking happy.. so i need to decide exactly whats the best option for me at some point... it won't be guided by my heart or by anything down below.. but at this point I am looking at options and i'm pretty sure which option I'm likely to take.. having someone there that cares about me is just icing on the cake.. it'll be hard to say goodbye but then again I spent 15 years avoiding this place.. and there are

Behind those eyes, I saw something I lost long ago: the will to live. I was home. This is the place I became a father and the place I first truly had Independence in my life. The first place where the shadows of the past did not follow. There are people that love me here unconditionally and would ride and die and never stab me in the back. It's become evident that Hamilton is never going to be part of the long term game plan... I've always had options... Now I've confirmed some. It's time to.make this decision in the next year. I know one thing..when not if it's made... There is not going to be any going back. I call this place home... If I leave everything from the past 15 years behind..... It will be left behind.  There is only one thing that ties me to Central Ontario. And while I will always stand up and be there for him.. I have to do the things that are important for my mental health and happiness. I can't live being miserable anymore.. and I'm not a

After the war I was going to make up for lost time. But the time I spent away, it's still lost. No matter what I do, it stays lost I am a ghost to you. I no longer exist as far as you are concerned. That's the way it is. That's the only way it is. I have no choice but to fade away for the moment. That's the reality of my life now. I have no patience for the world anymore and there is no place for me in this universe until I find myself again. The fact that more and more I'm looking to the past and the only really good memories that I have in my life alone come from a place so far removed from here it's almost like another life... Well it was a lifetime ago... So maybe, just maybe when the time is right, it's fucking time to be looking back in that direction. I was always happiest in that moment and maybe I should be seriously fucking considering it. There is no history compared to the weight of the world I constantly endure here and it's a possibilit