Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching. I don’t have time for you and you’re bullshit. True colours were shown on my birthday. I’m not a kitten that you can toy with you’re claws. I’m a grown man and I don’t tolerate bullshit from a girl that should have grown up a long time ago. You drew you’re line in the sand, and now I will ignore you. Because you proved exactly what all of this is. A momentary distraction to make you feel better. Sorry I’m busy doing cool And amazing things with my fucking freinds to Ever tolerate that nonsense. I’m living my life. That’s what I do. And I do it with style and I live an epic fucking life. No compromises, no backing down. And I am who I am. Be jealous all you want. I’m all of our dreams fulfilled save one. I have the freedom to be the person we both always wanted to be and not answer to anyone. I didn’t then. I don’t now.  Meanwhile you are shackled to a town and a past I hardly remember. You may be my true home

There are reasons you weren’t there. Even tho he should have been. I am not even agree at you anymore. I’m just apathetic. There’s nothing to you’re endgame. And you’re not my family. No more than I am, the difference is regardless of where we stood when you needed me I would have been by your side... ... it’s one of many reasons why I will never fucking need you. You always treated me and my other loved ones as something to discard. I was never a priority. And the coldness you have shown in the last year and a half when I needed you speaks volumes. Truth be told I didn’t. I have good support circle and I know my value. You’re aren’t part of either of those. You never have been you never will be. You may be the only one to mourn me when I go, but that’s because I don’t want anyone else too and it’s you’re own selfishness that will make you want to. You weren’t even invited, and his grandson should have been. But that’s on you. That’s always going to be on you. I’ve made my peace with i

  My life doesn’t suck. With or without my freinds I do epic things. That’s all I want to do with every member of my family, but that’s always going to be someone else’s choice. I’m just gonna do me. I don’t need anyone, and those that I choose to spend my time with are enhanced by my life not dragged down by it. I do amazing fucking things. I don’t even think about it. I just do it. Because I can.  I was interesting. I did things. I do things now. But I never went to school or the store or some of my more interesting long terms adventures for anyone else. I did those things for me. I’m still doing those things for me. I’m having fun.  This isn’t where I expected to be at 50 but it’s still fun as fuck. And as long as I can be me. I’m gonna be me. No one else is needed. I have freinds and family that will ride or die to the end and everyone else is an afterthought. Current Mood: happy. If life has days, it also has nights. If there's light, there's dark,too.There's lots of f

  My life doesn’t suck. With or without my freinds I do epic things. That’s all I want to do with every member of my family, but that’s always going to be someone else’s choice. I’m just gonna do me. I don’t need anyone, and those that I choose to spend my time with are enhanced by my life not dragged down by it. I do amazing fucking things. I don’t even think about it. I just do it. Because I can.  I was interesting. I did things. I do things now. But I never went to school or the store or some of my more interesting long terms adventures for anyone else. I did those things for me. I’m still doing those things for me. I’m having fun. 

I am Happy. I am doing things i enjoy and i am no longer fucking waiting on anyone to be a part of my life that does not want to be there. have you seen the things i do on a regular basis? I don't need to but i'm doing them anyways? you fucking wanna know why? because i can. i have good friends and a good life and you are not the only thing missing. my only regret is that hes not here with me. but one day that might change. for now, I'm going to live and simply be the person i am. because i am happy and living a good life and not worried about the past or the future. I just Live in this fucking moment, the way i always should have done and let things happen, without regret. I was too busy chasing tomorrow that maybe i lost today, ah well no regrets. This is who I am now. this is who im always going to be, I'd rather be a free spirit and do what makes me happy than a ball of anger scorching the earth, the way you almost forced me to be. I came close to losing myself but

I am dealing with some shit in my head that I don’t really want to talk to anyone about. But no matter the outcome I’m willing to accept it. I live in the real world, not some fictional reality you have created for yourself. My actions and decisions have real world consequences. I didn’t have the silver spoon the way you did. While I am glad he’s never had to want for anything. You haven’t prepared him for the real world. You’ve just lead him on a trail of trauma and tears his entire life. No matter his decisions I’ll accept them. But that doesn’t mean this conversation is over. Not at all. 2 years ago I saw you for the first time in two decades. And we were talking about a future. This is the future. We are in the same fucking place. Neither one of us it’s willing to budge in this chess game. It’s stalemate. It’s always been stalemated. But in the reality you live in inside you’re head one day it’ll go back to happy family. I’m not naive enough to believe that. There’s always an agend

I burn bridges. I light gasoline on the bridge and walk away and never look back. Remember that. You are the one only time I looked back and all it is was a trail of ashes. Yes we had passion but it was a self destructive phoenix flame that constantly kept self igniting.  It’s not good for either of us. I may love you, but I don’t like you very much. And I despise how I’m a fair weather friend in you’re life. Disposable. Only needed when you need something. What about when I needed you, you know what you’d never know. Pride. I would never give you the credit to ask you for anything in my life even when I was at my worst and in a private hell. I endured alone. Because I have the strength to. A strength that you fucking lack. My strength that you need when you’re feeling down. But it’s a flighting emotion, it never stays. You’ve asked me to stay and I’m grateful for that, but it’s not longer you that I’m staying for. I have other responsibilities and people that are important to me.    Y

I am happy and I’m financially secure for the first time in my entire miserable life the last couple of years. I have other things to focus on. It’s time to finish some of those other goals that I had ignored in the great pursuit of being a dad. Let’s start with the greatest unfinished one of them all. University. I’ve spent too much time looking back. I do epic and awesome things. Unless I’m given a reason at this point I’m just going to enjoy my life with no regrets. No fucks given. The only things I need to look back on are goals I abandoned in pursuit of bigger things. I’d rather be happy alone than miserable with someone else. I’m perfectly fine living my life as it is and doing the things I enjoy doing. This is my life and it’s pretty wonderful. I’m happy I’m surrounded by those that love me and I finally feel enough at peace to go back to the goals I had when I was in my twenties. I don’t leave anything unfinished. I just attempt to deal with my responsibilities first. Right now