Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

When someone puts an end to something, it doesn't mean that he gave up, it means that thing is not taking him anywhere. It's better to burn out than to fade away. This is It, there is a reality that this adventure is going to be over soon, Long after I have become bitter and have lost any semblance of interest in the entire process, it had it's moments both good and bad, and above and beyond it was always fucking Interesting, but the reality is aside from a few things that i will place into a glass coffin and the things i choose to buy going forward, after the holidays there will be nothing left of it. as much as i want to claim that i care, truly I do not. all this ever was, Was a means to an end, And now it's ending but the other major concern in my life isn't. I will enjoy whats left but whatever is left over, including some of the important things because of moments, will be left to remember, Hopefully there will be a few things to stand and remember that

It is usually more important how a man meets his fate than what it is. I don't need to Know or claim to Know what the next step, But I do know that it's fucking time to move forward and finish this game, and for that to fucking happen I need to be the one in the driver's seat, I need to be the fucking intimidating one and make sure everyone that's supposedly is on my side and not just giving it lip service... this is a battle than will define two lives and forever damage a third, regardless of the outcome...i can't just sit back and wait for things to end and trust that other people will be there standing for me, I need to and have to be proactive and make fucking sure that every thing is where it needs to be, I have to be the warrior i've always claimed to be, I don't care how fucking tired i have been, I have fucking resources it's time to put them into play and this fucking chess game. there's nothing left in my life to truly give me happiness u

What was a demon but a lost soul, one that had been forced to use his skills to survive. You know what fucking frustrates me? Having this crap left over and for once when I need to make a few bucks from it for personal and emotional reasons the fucking well has run dry. I have some amazing shit I should be holding onto for my son, at the end of the day, after the end of this bullshit I owe him that, everything I've done without him, but the fact I find myself constantly compromising over what does and doesn't have value and being given choices that leave me wondering why the fuck I'm constantly struggling for? This is the first time I've ever quite questioned the true value of all this crap, I've gotten jaded and angry at the world worse than I already was, and I have been fucked over by people, and what's left? A last gasp at the holidays to hopefully drum up a few bucks? Is that what the mighty Sikkbones is reduced to? I built this thing up alone, it was my

The fact that you are possessed by a demon does not mean you must become evil. Being evil is a choice, just as being good is a choice. If you let the demon take over, it's because you choose to. Am I frustrated? Yes. Am I starting to hold grudges? Yes. I'm not sure what the end result of anything is going to be anymore, I'm trying to function and trying to be a good person and the reality of that is that I am not a fucking good person. I'm selfish and I'm only about me. I've had to be. The reality right now is that I am between a rock and a hard place in my decision making process and the longer and longer I keep letting things be status quo nothing is ever going to fucking change. I don't and can't see any more real money coming out of these fucking transformers, the plastic shit that has partially defined my fucking life for the past three years, and more than that, the things needed or wanted from most of this shit isn't happening. I'm reall