In A Metal Mood....

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Current Mood: At Peace.

Captive Honour

One should not want to go to work because of diffrences between the way someone is treating a client... the biggest frustration is to be working side by side when it's happening...and not being able to do anything about it because of the fact that person is a supervisior and has a big mouth..I am really starting to think about what side of the fence I should be in this industry.. i am really thinking of going back to university in the new year and being able to teach,I guess i should start writing agian. the goal is still to one day work at the children's advocate but the demon's are surfacing agian.. this time out of concern not out of anger or frustration... and it's not me that's being affected it's someone it should not be happening to... but then agian it's all a system of control to pump out politically correct drones for the private sector right?

Madness comes, and madness goes
An insane place, with insane moves
Battles without, for battles within
Where evil lives and evil rules
Breaking them up, just breaking them in
Quickest way out, quickest relief wins
Never disclose, never betray
Cease to speak or cease to breathe
And when you kill a man, you're a murderer
Kill many, and you're a conqueror
Kill them all...Ooh...Oh you're a god!


Current Mood: Frustrated.
Current Music:Thou Art a Shield for Me, Betrayer.
http://www.459.betrayer.ca/cgi-bin/dl.cgi?id=013

One Little Moment...

One little moment in time is all it takes for me to know that i am doing my job right and make me feel like i am needed.. the best part was it was a former client that no longer lives there... it makes all the disgusting politics and bending of clients rights to suit another's purpose all float away.. i was going to write a pissed off angry blog today esp. when she who should not be named screwed me over for a sunday visit after i worked a 24 hour straight shift but you know what i'll deal.. as long as i know i'm making a diffrence in these kids lives thats all that matters and someone else proved that to me today.

Current Mood: Warm.

My Dark Side?

I am getting sick of the politics at work... the games are driving me nuts and you have to wonder why the kids are getting worse instead of better.. of course there own behaviors don't help there cause much but when it is transparent the reason why they are having issues because of some political whim and struggle for domination between the senior staff and two different viewpoints on how kids should be treated and whats allowed... I'm thinking this is not condusive to their emotional well being. of course I'm just a lowly grunt and not really entitled to my opinion i should just be glad i have a job right.... i need to stop taking this shit personally at every level, when and if i have the oppurtunity to walk away from this it has to be for the right reasons not because I'm feeling claustrophobic.

Current Mood: Disillusioned.

Fear. Fear attracts the fearful. The strong. The weak. The innocent. The corrupt. Fear. Fear is my ally.

Emerald Dawn.

One needs to start seriously persuing his career and attempting to get a position with the children's advocate a little bit more... when one's radar is going off and his moral center is bothering him one has no resort than to have a very strong backbone and account for a serious injustice when someone else is being shortsided in terms of ones rights.... i am glad that i got that off my chest and made sure i was in the right before i reported it to my boss... but i'm glad that i did... people i feel that take to many liberites with the job need to have a system of control in place... not much has chenged in about 20 years that much is becoming evident.... even as part of the system i still feel some of the things that are wrong with the system happen, which is ridiculous..... hopefully i can make for a little change esp. when i am willing to fight for my morals, judgements and beliefs.
if somethigns wrong, Right it.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently” Nietzsche

Current Mood: Positive.
Current Music: Lady Marmalade, Christina Aguilera, Lil' Kim, Mýa, and Pink

No More Mr.Nice Guy

where to start? maybe with the irony that it seems that the only person i currently seem to be getting along with in my life is she who shall not be named? it's been an interesting weekend.... there's the whole argument that nearly led to a fucking fist fight with my landlord last night the sooner i find a new fucking place to live the better. i am sick of the abuse and it nearly came to a head last night.... he doesn't know who he's fucking with? then there's all the other fun goodies from the weekend.... like an early morning phone call bitching about me doing something that would have very specifaccaly violates one of my clients rights.... there is getting to be a breaking point with work... i mean i am sick of the internal bullshit and am trying to rise above it but when i am being set up in the crosshairs time and time agian by the same two idiots i'm not happy... I am not happy about the way my clients are treated or the lack of respect given to them. about the only thing i can say i'm happy about the weekend is while i didn't get to take little man out trick or treating i did get to take someone i actually care about and hope to continue to help in making positive choices in his life out for trick or treating instead. that's all this job is supposed to be about not the nonsense and all the socio-political bullshit games people like to play....

Current Mood: Fed Up.
Current Music: Just Dance, Lady Gag Me.

A Brighter Day.

Sometimes you just need to step back for a day and watch the world circle the drain.... some of the depression and anger i was feeling yesterday is lifting, i still think some of the emotions are valid and i need to get out of this fucking cookie cutter mode of everything i've been experinceing recently in my life and find some other Positivity.. but everything has it's time and can wait.... part of the depression yesterday is the hours i'm working in novemeber... i'm honestly thinking of quiiting if me working every fucking weekend becomes a trend, i am not giving up time with my son ever agian past this month.

Current Mood: Less Angry.

Blaze of Glory.

I Needed a reminder Of who I am and what I have accomplished in this short life... even if my life seems like the shits right now i am aware that there is always a bright light at the end of every dark tunnel, i make my own choices and my own decisions and i blame no one for my failures but myself... I fly solo because there is little choice in this life, depending on people is the first thing i learned that lead to failure... i had a good fucking read of essays written 12 years ago today, that anger at a system that is broken and no one seems to notice that it's breaking is returning....i was so much smarter then, wilder maybe still but i miss that young gentleman, i see now thru decisions and the advice of others i have somewhat allowed myself to be tamed, material things and the struggle to maintain a certian lifestyle have changed me, i never planned on being in my thirties, i was gonna leave a good looking corpse. of course then responsibilites i can't ignore hit me like a slap in the face at 28.... a life change.. so much for the thelema and loisue thing with my best gal from college or was it highschool?? i can't remeber which one i was writing about. but anyways... i was planning on a blaze of glory not a growing old a stale when i go... it's time to change my attiude agian.. i should get militant and i should start writing agian... there are injustices in this world that are not fair and there is a darker side to my profession.... i am not becoming bitter but i feel i could be doing more... maybe it's time to harrass the children's advocate agian.

Current Mood: Empowered.

I blame this world for making a good man evil
It's this world that can drive a good man mad
And it's this world that turns a killer into a hero

The Walking Dead.

One wonders what is going on when one can no longer see anything in the future... it is confusing enough to not know what tommorow will bring but when someone sees a pattern that continues day after endless godless day it is frustrating.

Current Mood: Bored.