Skip to main content

No Regrets.



I don’t regret a damn thing I’ve done with my life. Not the battles I’ve fought, not the war I fought for all the right reasons. Not the freinds I’ve lost along the way. Not everyone is strong enough for this ride. I have good people in my life and I am living for my adventures. I don’t look back and I just wish the one person that should be by side at baseball games and meeting sports Hero’s and other interesting things like concerts in other provinces was by mine and my inner circles side.


That’s a wound that has been taken away. And it sucks. But it happened. Those years are never coming back. But one day maybe we can have them again on our own terms and not dictated by a third party who only has her own selfish interests at play. Oops what was that, is it possibly time for me to look into my own selfish interests? I love you Son, I always will but the truth is the estrangement isn’t going to change anytime soon until you’re told the truth. But one day all these adventures will be with you as a part of. 


Till then I’m done being angry, I’m done holding onto a illusionary past that was never truly real, our moments were real kid, but not the imaginary world you’re fucking mother did and still does live in.  Meanwhile I’ve lived my nightmares, now I’m going to Live my dreams. I suffered the dreaded poison that was patience and hope long enough. 


I get to have an interesting life thru sheer force of will. I have good people in my life and my life doesn’t suck. Despite your best efforts. I can pretend you don’t exist for a moment longer.


Don’t bother calling tonight, I’m still not answering. I have forgiven, I will never forget. You destroyed my life. I rebuilt it.  

For that I am victory. There’s nothing left for you to take away. 


I win. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...