Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Sometimes, if your opponent is determined to win the battle, let him win the wrong battle. It's not over and it will never be fucking over... all that today has done has bought you more time for your supposed fucking witnesses, I have seen thru you you and i know where the end game is.. I cannot believe I allowed myself at all to feel any sympathy for you at all.. what a pathetic fucking joke... I already know what you're going to do long before you do it.. I know how to play this fucking chess game four moves ahead of you, today was unexpected but predictable.. and what happens next, at both ends is also predictable.. but it's going to be about you, this might have been a minor victory but it solves nothing and it's merely the fact that it's more manipulation for time and the fact you have been judge shopping.. sooner or later people are going to see thru you, you're walls are cracking under the pressure and you are starting to expose yourself.. I'm gonna

You know the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. They don't alter their views to fit the facts. They alter the facts to fit the views. Which can be uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering. The worst part is over... now it's time to let what has bottled up for 5 and half years be exposed and let judgement finally happen, I have had my day in court and my voice has been heard, and it's not the summer heat outside that has set you aflame... it's time to burn and I've never had any question doing so.. I stand exposed.. But it's only day one, it's clear that this battle has only just begun but for the first time in a very long time i do and can feel an ending approaching.. i know how to talk and get my voice heard, and i am hoping in small way that for once it wasn't just my powerful voice that was on display today, because there is another voice that needs to be heard... and it's not my voice that

Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free. And one battle looks much like another when you survey the corpses after. It's time for an Ending, there's nothing left but the ending... I'm going to meet you on the battlefield next week and there will not be any quarter, there will be no mercy, No remorse, everything for the past 5 years and the last fifteen will be laid bare.. I'm prepared to be bared naked and flayed to the bone in a courthouse, can you truly say the same... there is only one thing in this world i truly fear, and you are not part of that equation, you ever have been... but let's do this.. let's end this... I'm going to respond in kind and i will not feel any sympathy for my actions, it's all going to be out there.. and I already know how the chess game ends.. you are predictable and you are yourself.. all i need to do is be patient and prepared and thi

Where something even deeper than the marrow knows that the cost of avoiding what one fears is even greater than the actual object of that fear and so the fear itself is even more corrosive even more destructive than all the frightening potential of the thing that arouses it. It's fucking ironic that at the end I am still making deals with the devil for the greater good, that was the problem in the first place, nothing ever fucking changes, that being said, if it comes down to it I offer my black soul, it's not important... If it comes to him, I'll sign in blood, my own, never his, but this is a vicious circle, one she's placed me in, for over a decade.... But if I deal with the devil for my soul, he can have it, but only on my terms, always on my terms, I don't like being placed in a corner, when I do I find a way out, but when my options are fucking limited I find a fucking way to start swinging out of that corner, I might be a demon but I'm a noble demon and

I don't suppose we'll ever know if we actually succeeded. But at worst, we failed doing the right thing as opposed to succeeding in doing the wrong. Then stop trying to throw logic at nightmares. Sometimes the monsters are real, Sometimes they're real and the only way to defeat them is to be the bigger monster. I have let this war and this battle consume my every thought, my every fiber of being, I am not sure if I know what will happen afterwards or the man I will become, the only thing that keeps me going some day is knowing that I will meet you on the battlefield soon, and the fucking odds are not balanced in either favour, so it might actually be a fair fight, but I'm not coming there to lose, even tho it's a possibility and I am prepared for that, but I will take you to your and my limit, you gave me hell these last five years, I'm gonna make you feel the same in a fucking week. I'm not going to hold back, every weapon, every piece of ammunition, ev

The second you're preceived as weak, you already are. This needs to be done, I seriously need to make fucking plans for an exit strategy when I clearly am the only one expected to do any work and just let others benefit from it, because anything that makes me fucking happy is unimportant, I'm sick if spending all my time doing so and not getting anything from my efforts, it's frustrating and it makes me sad, I have already decided to put my foot down and quit at this point minus the fucking junk but I almost wonder if it's worth it if this is what everything has been based on for the past couple years... I need to have this done... And anything I deem of value remaining on a shelf for my son. This has to come to a true end. I'm not sure where my life is going to go in the near future, but I know whatever it will be, it's no longer tied to this moment in my fucking past... This was a distraction and nothing more... I just can't hold onto past glories that a

There is no time to plan, there is no space to think. No respite. No forgiveness. There is only war. It's time to fight for more than just myself personally, that particular option seems darker and darker the more I stare into the abyss but I do question if this will truly be the end or if it's just another moment in which everything I know will end up stalled once agian, it fucking sucks being in a prison without walls, I need to gear up and fight this on all fronts, but I am so damn tired of every situation leading me back down into the abyss, a lesser man would have snapped and become something else... I don't have the time or patience for anything more in my life, this battle is everything, this war fuels everything. It's time to never back down... Even if I fail, I've failed doing the wrong thing. I'm just sick of fighting everything and everyone, but that's who I am, I am war. I don't have time anymore for petty distractions and dealing with ques

Evil isn’t the real threat to the world. Stupid is just as destructive as Evil, maybe more so, and it’s a hell of a lot more common. What we really need is a crusade against Stupid. That might actually make a difference. No Surprise than another over entitled Man child has managed to piss me off today, for all my other complaints and bitches about walking away from this bullshit transformer things is dealing with this kids who think that they deserve everything placed at their feet, they are worse than the children I am responsible for, I've been ripped off once, I don't think that anyone is going to intimidate me into doing anything, it's time for me to stick to my fucking guns and make this a memory for once and for all.. it's been a year, it's beyond time for this shit to be done... let it crumble into rust...I left with my feet up, I don't have to deal with these punks anymore... I can find something else to do with my life... it's no longer needed...

Courage is about learning how to function despite the fear, to put aside your instincts to run or give in completely to the anger born from fear. Courage is about using your brain and your heart when every cell of your body is screaming at your to fight or flee - and then following through on what you believe is the right thing to do. I am having a hard time, it's not the walking away so much from the whole nonsense last year of the toy bullshit, but more the fact that nothing in my life has replaced it, I quit and was supposed to find a job and find some normalcy but instead I'm just waiting, as I watch all these cool things dwindle away, I don't know where the next step of my life is going, but I did have something for a few years that I built up and now it's gone, I haven't really missed it until recently and now I haven't decided if I made a mistake quitting before the battle was won and/or everything was gone... These things don't matter to me, there

You know what you get for being a hero? Nothin'. You get shot at. You get a little pat on the back, blah, blah, blah, attaboy. You get divorced. Your wife can't remember your last name. Your kids don't want to talk to you. You get to eat a lot of meals by yourself. Trust me, kid, nobody wants to be that guy. I am fucking sick of being taken advantage of and having my needs, not my wants taken care of, when shipping money is fucking spent on other items, that's not my responsibility to replace it, I still have to get this shit out to it's owners but it is fucking time that I call it a fucking day and take whatever I have left home and give up, one I want to be able to show for something for my boy, two the last year or so I have dwindled a once magnificent collection of junk down to it's bare fucking bones.... It's time for what's left to either mean something or for me to complete abandon it, it's not always about money or the wars I fight, but som

What I do, I do alone. That's the Sicilian way. That's omerta. Omerta isn't a mafia oath of silence, like so many people believe. It has nothing to do with cosa nostra. It's something else, related by different....You want justice served? You want vengeance taken? You want honor restored? Then you do it yourself. That's omerta. When blood cries for blood, you answer the call. And you answer it alone. I may have just opened a major can of worms in this battle and I may have consequences in my life to deal with, but at this point, I opened up every connection to both me, my life, my childhood and my education to try and stack the deck, if I lose it's better to say I tried with allies on my side and standing behind me, even if it's been years since we've spoken and more than that some of us aren't exactly on speaking terms, but that's not important, what is, is my fucking child... If I have to fight this war forever, I can and will use every advan