Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

another day and everything is still unresolved hopefully tonight i can change that.. this goddamn city is so stagnant.. glad to possibly be leaving it. Current mood: Insightful

sometimes i'm just not sure about what the next step should be. Current Mood: Confusion.

here we go agian, Fucking Bullshit Mindgames Round 2. of course this is nothing new, The program for this evening is not new You've seen this entertainment through and through You've seen your birth your life and death You might recall all of the rest Did you have a good world when you died? Enough to base a movie on?. when i no longer have the words to express anything and have to resort to quoting morrioson to express whatever i think i have to say, what does that make me, a Cypher? I am sick of the endless game as it revolves around me, sometimes i feel just like a spectator watching everything change around me... i am sick of the hypocrisy.. I gave up everything to come home to a nothing world, a nothing place, my roots ain't here.. my life ain't here, the games are the only thing here, i just want to quit. Current Mood: Frustrated, i want to punch something in the face.

One step forward is always another step back.. communication breakdown is always interesting when your angry one moment and ignorant the next.. the emotional Cold war will continue another 14 years at this rate. why is only when things are important to you that they get dealt with.. when i want something done it's hmmed and hawed about .. that is if you dean to give me the time of day. whatever.. i have bigger fish to fry right now.. i'll deal with you later... it's not me you're affecting... and i think you're starting to realize that. whatever.....it's time for me to use my own moral compass to enforce and make decisions and not be guided by anyone else... No fate but our own and i won't let anyone else affect that. Current mood: Not impressed Current Music:Guns and Roses, Paradice City.

i'm not impressed. games like these should not be played. it only ends up being an endgame of bullshit that only affects one person. hardly slept last night because i'm running out of patience. i guess i should stop having faith in people... because they always let you down... of course this time.. i have a trump card. Current Mood: Not impressed.

and once upon a time agian, i find myself at another fucking crossroads. do i take this back to court or do i let the expected emotional lack of understanding continue. silence speaks Volumes about the kind of person you are and your integrity. i'm so fucking glad there's only a tiny part of me that has anything to do with you... as angry as i can get over your Nihilsm there's only so much i can do to care about it... i know i'm the better person and some days i'm not the only one that realizes it. we all make our own decisions and you can rot in your hole of lies... i won't be there this time to save you... of course, keeping up the silent treatment may involve drastic measures which you may or may not be capable of handling... Piss test anyone? Current Mood: Not Happy.

I fucking Hate Niagara. i don't know why i stay here but i do. i am sick of the silent bullshit when words need to be spoken. the Emotional Cold War Continues. Current Mood: Frustration by circumstances.

that about sum's out the emotions inside me right now... there isn't any goddamn reason i should still be trying to make it in St.catherines, Niagara when their are better options and supports for employment outside of this fucking city shithole... Everyone.. and i do mean Everyone... this includes You.. If your reading.. knows my reasons and responsibilties for staying here.. i don't have to continually explain myself anymore...i just don't know if can do that anymore... there's a lot of soul searching within my heart this week, too much garbage in my life to let this idly pass me by... ..no quick fix to this madness either... Current Mood: Confusion, exhaustion, frustration. Current Music: Maiden, Wasted Years.

Virgo: You've been very patient with someone lately, but there's only so much you can take. Luckily your patience is about to pay off. .

i do not want people into this kind of shit in my life or involved with my family members. Current Mood: frustrated by helplessness.