Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

sitting around doing nothing today... ya.. my life is pretty patethic right now.... i wish i could disappear..... it's not like the games are even going to end... what's the point of trying to live a positive viritous life if all that ever happens is that you get slapped in the face? it's time for a lot of changes with my new years resoltuions.... time to stock up on ammunition.... No more Mr. Nice Bones. i'm actually getting to the point where i don't give a shit about anything that's said to me because it's all lies... and games, but being angry about it is Futile. Current Mood: Angry. Current Music: Fear Of the Dark (live), Iron Maiden

i feel like an ostrich... i want to put my fucking head in the sand... everything is useless... i'm not happy... everytime i try and take myself out of the hole i'm in i get filled right back in....my new years resolutions are gonna suck... i mean i'm part of vicous circle of my own creation... i swear between university and this shit hole city and the lack of work i'm gonna end up with nothing... maybe i should just step away from everything and take a few years to become nobody and nothing... it's so much easier to disapeer than to deal with your fucking problems... esp. when people you expect assitance from take their fucking time...(esp. when your paying em.) i came home yesterday full of promise and positive feeling and today i might as well let my head explode... it's like a house of cards... when it fucking rains it pours. Current Mood: Hand me the Shotgun. Current Music: Yesterdays, Guns and Roses.

no I do not accept your proposal... i won't beg for the leftovers. i'm not going to take table scraps so you can extert influnence over me... I did Not do anything wrong.....i've got you in the crosshairs.... and you know it. Current Mood: Pissed off agian.. Current Music: Get In the Ring, Guns and Roses.

yesterday was alright... got a few things i wanted for xmas.. too bad the one i thing i really want these days isn't material at all.

the Absence of negativity does not Reflect any postiveity. current mood: apathetic.

i thought this Holiday couldn't suck anymore... then some idiot offers an opinion without having two cents of Logic... i mean please take my Holiday away... i don't want it... i hate this time of year and with good fucking reason... i'm glad i don't have a fucking tree... it wouldn't go to much use... i have to thank you for that tho... being pissed off at other people is a much better feeling than being depressed and sad over life's circumstances. i mean when people put their foots in the big opinionated mouths without thinking it brings a smile to my face. it get's me right there in the cockles.... maybe below the cockles.... we don't know... anyways whatever... this Holday is gonna suck... worse than Hell with andy Gibb and the bay city rollers..... "We didn't laugh at that bit, Jesus, please!" "Shut up! Get on the bus with Leary and Scorsese. You're going right to fucking hell! Current Mood: Annoyed. Current Music: Diary Of A M

i am not a happy person... i think i'm turning into a lame emo fag... i mean i couldn't sleep last night because of an overdose of caffine and the shit in my head... i spent the night writing poetry and listening to lame 80's ballad... god i suck... in case you haven't noticed i hate this fucking holiday.... Bah humbug.. go fuck yourself... i'm getting real sick about caring about anyone... time to look out for myself... not fucking happy ever. Current Mood: Sad :-( Current Music: Just Lose it, Eminem.

not happy with current state of affiars... i do not let other people dictate the direction of my life... and when i do not know a person even in conversation i do not like them making decisions based on what they think my expectations are.... Current Mood: Annoyed and Pissed Off. Current Music: Minute of Decay, Marilyn Manson.

what kind of fucking Idiot has the ethical integrity of a Gnat when it comes to a sensitive date? people are fucking clueless in this city i swear... thank god i might have a chance to get out of this hellhole city with a job interview in welland today... lousy weekend... broke down crying because of it last night... that botttle of rum in fridge sure looked freindly last night.... it's not fucking fair.. not anymore... i'm sick of the prevailing attitude in st. catherines... esp. yours. sometimes i really wonder what the fuck your motives are... sometimes i don;t know what i'm doing here... wait i know exactly what i'm doing here.. spinning My heels doing exactly nothing... there's only one reason i'm here and you and i both now it... this current distraction will end.. and it has nothing to do with you... i will deal with it... maybe we'll do lunch today... i'll at least have a smoke later... does this sound like unintelligible gibberish? i'm in o

how fucking retarded can you be... please do more fucking damage to my case.... i mean how fucking intelligent is fucking waiting till today to make change... please just hand me the fucking shotgun... i'll shoot myself in the foot... thanks. all i need is another idiot fucking things up for me... i can do a good job of that myself thanks. Current Mood: Hopeful.. but not expectant of change.

i am fucking enraged and pissed off by current devolopments.. just when i think things couldn't get any worse i end up fucked up the ass by someone i trusted.... so what else is new.... i am starting to belive that i should just fucking pack up and leave this city.. i was happier in windsor... shit... i was happier on the streets of toronto without a roof over my head back when i was 17. i am not fucking caring anymore about this world and everything in it... why the fuck should i give a rat ass when everyone i engange in assitance fucks me over... better to just run away from my problems and be a deadbeat dad.. too bad my Mother raised with more fucking backbone than that... thank god for family supports... if not i think my fragile mental state would make columbine look like a video game... i know i would never act upon my anger and urges but goddamnit right now the whole idea of doing it is so tasty.... if i hadn't put mental and pyschic barriers to the subconcious part of m

Who's coming with me? The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell! Here is how you matched up against all the levels: Level Score Purgatory (Repenting Believers) Very Low Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) Very Low Level 2 (Lustful) Very High Level 3 (Gluttonous) Very High Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) Very High Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) Extreme Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) Very High Level 7 (Violent) Extreme Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) Extreme Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) Very High Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Xmas and Birthday shopping is done... found the ulitamate toy today for him... TJ bearytales... reminds me of teddy ruxpin from when we were kids... pretty happy.. maybe things are finally coming toggether... slower than expected and it's still a long way uphill... my flu is gone but still has some sniffles and a headache that wont go away.... extra strength tyenol is only helping when i want to sleep... makes me drowsy..... i dunno... happy to be done tho... one more gift that i need to pick up for xmas but thats pretty much already figured out... Current Mood: Content.