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The Remedy



I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. 


I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. 


I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. 


I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrument. I can be Ragnarock. I will leave things trembling in my wake. 


I am reminded that i am disposable and my feelings aren’t taken into consideration and more likely I am treated as a disposable friend more often than not. I’m getting a little sick of the treatment. Things can get violent or can get silent when I feel like I’m being used and/or taken advantage of. I start distancing from people for a fucking reason. I’ve done it before. I can and will do it again. 


I don’t tolerate liars and two faced people in my fucking life. I will grow distant, esp when I think I’m being fucking manipulated.


I am reevaluating a lot of friendships and relationships that I even once held close. And most of you are gnats in the grand spectrum of my life. I’ll walk away with a smile on my face. 


I am more stressed right now in a time of my life where this should be fun and a distraction from the last few weeks of sadness. But of fucking course not. I’m really glad I took in that concert last week. 


That’s where I’m going back to. The music scene. My true home. Real freinds. Not fake people. No drama. 


I don’t need this. And for the second time in a decade I don’t want to be involved in this world anymore. 

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