Skip to main content

Crown of Thorns.


 

I never wanted to be your enemy. I never will be again. At some core inside you, you’ve always known. I think that you know that you are the person I love most. We just got lost along the way. We were broken baby. But I’m not the one that broke you. And you weren’t the one that broke me. We just let the world get in the way, instead of it being just three of us against the world it should have fucking been.


I am happy and at peace in my life. You haven’t caught up yet. If i can help you catch up, maybe we can go back to whatever we once had. I’m trying, I’ve been trying for years. I made a promise. Not one I’m going ever going to stop trying to fulfill. I owe her that. I owe you that. I owe him that. I’ll always be here.


I’m not going anywhere. I promise. 


I just want the two people in my life I love most on my wild adventures together with me. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. That’s all I’ll ever want.


Part of having eidetic memory is I’m forever aware and  haunted by our dates. I will never forgive myself for one of them. But I figured out the when and I will never tell you when it actually is. I’ll suffer that pain myself, right now you need me to be strong. That’s all you need. 


I don’t know where this leads but I know I’m along for the ride and never letting go. You wouldn’t want me to anyways. That’s part of this. Good, bad, war or apathy, you’ve always been in my life and mine in yours. The minute I walked away for good you found me. That answer to that isn’t mine. 


One day I’ll find a way to forgive myself for my mistakes, but the fact is that things happened and are part of our damage, but there is the also the fact that we both still love each other. Our child needs to know that. 


I will absorb all the pain just so that the two of you don’t hurt. If that’s what I need to do. It’s not fair that you are treated the way you were.


You were missed tonight. I really wish you were beside me. Next concert maybe. I will always try. One day you’ll say yes, one day we will be happy.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.
Post a Comment
Read more

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...
Post a Comment
Read more