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Crown of Thorns.


 

I never wanted to be your enemy. I never will be again. At some core inside you, you’ve always known. I think that you know that you are the person I love most. We just got lost along the way. We were broken baby. But I’m not the one that broke you. And you weren’t the one that broke me. We just let the world get in the way, instead of it being just three of us against the world it should have fucking been.


I am happy and at peace in my life. You haven’t caught up yet. If i can help you catch up, maybe we can go back to whatever we once had. I’m trying, I’ve been trying for years. I made a promise. Not one I’m going ever going to stop trying to fulfill. I owe her that. I owe you that. I owe him that. I’ll always be here.


I’m not going anywhere. I promise. 


I just want the two people in my life I love most on my wild adventures together with me. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. That’s all I’ll ever want.


Part of having eidetic memory is I’m forever aware and  haunted by our dates. I will never forgive myself for one of them. But I figured out the when and I will never tell you when it actually is. I’ll suffer that pain myself, right now you need me to be strong. That’s all you need. 


I don’t know where this leads but I know I’m along for the ride and never letting go. You wouldn’t want me to anyways. That’s part of this. Good, bad, war or apathy, you’ve always been in my life and mine in yours. The minute I walked away for good you found me. That answer to that isn’t mine. 


One day I’ll find a way to forgive myself for my mistakes, but the fact is that things happened and are part of our damage, but there is the also the fact that we both still love each other. Our child needs to know that. 


I will absorb all the pain just so that the two of you don’t hurt. If that’s what I need to do. It’s not fair that you are treated the way you were.


You were missed tonight. I really wish you were beside me. Next concert maybe. I will always try. One day you’ll say yes, one day we will be happy.

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