Hamilton Isn't Home II

A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you

I am happy. This weekend was a great weekend and i had a blast at the concert with two of my oldest freinds. There are memories here, and i am still making them.. both with new and old friends that have had my back. but As with all things there comes a time where physically i am not needed to be in this city anymore.. and the depression and pain can only be blunted by things i do.. it's ever present.. and I don't feel that way elsewhere... my friends will stay my friends and they all want me to fucking happy.. so i need to decide exactly whats the best option for me at some point... it won't be guided by my heart or by anything down below.. but at this point I am looking at options and i'm pretty sure which option I'm likely to take.. having someone there that cares about me is just icing on the cake.. it'll be hard to say goodbye but then again I spent 15 years avoiding this place.. and there are no physical ties keeping me here.. there hasn't been for a very long time...i fought my war and lost.. all the reasons for being in Hamilton now ring hollow in my ears. i need to go back to the places where i am happy. i need to go to the places and the person i was meant to be, not this useless husk that has to fight his own mind to wake up every morning. I never wanted to move back here in the first place and the whole reason i returned in 08 was for options employment wise.. that was 11 years ago.. and my life for all intents and purposes as far as employment go, ended in April of 2011. that was 8 years ago.. I've had an option since at least 2012... if that door is open still i will probably take it... only one person keeps me tied to this city and he is my best friend bar non else.. but at some point when my responsibilities are likely done i will move on.. that has always been my behavior and my pattern.. but this time.. i truly feel.. I am going Home. I grew up[ here, my upbringing and past in this city has brought me nothing but pain.. it time to go where i spent the most productive and positive years of my life.. I have unfinished business up there anyhow.. and a new start that might turn into something. Time to say goodbye.. time to say goodbye to this graveyard of a city..

Nomad.

Current Mood: Insightful

Don’t walk in front of me… I may not follow
Don’t walk behind me… I may not lead
Walk beside me… just be my friend

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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