Monday Night Raw/Bones is back.

I had a good fucking night tonight and enjoyed myself with an old freind. agian something is missing but i remeber who i am. it was good to blow off some fucking steam and let me myself be who i used to be without any judgement or worrying about who i might offend, yes i spent the night getting smashed but i feel better than i have in a long time.. i remeber who i used to be, I am someone who a 17 year old me would call a sell out... but only because of the attempted conformity to the system and their rules... it's a lot better than being homeless and in jail. i remember exactly who the fuck I am, i still wear my wwe shirts with pride and have no fear being exactly who I am without worrying what any society thinks. i am a weapon when pointed in the right direction. I an be just as comfortable panhandling on Young as getting smashed in a nice shirt on bat street or hess village.. i tried for tooo fucking long to be someone i not, it's time to show some teeth and be the person i am and the person i always have been without any mercy. I had fun tonight...it was good to let loose and let the issues i have at home be forgotten and just escape into a fantasy world and pretend things were like they used to be.. revisiting queen street for beers was fun too... even if i am spending the night in Toronto smashed. I remember exactly who the fuck i am, and that's something as hard as you try my dear you will never change, happy 13th anniversary, can't say I wasted a fucking second thinking about you.

Current Mood: Drunk.
One of the greatest moments in anybody's developing experience is when he no longer tries to hide from himself but determines to get acquainted with himself as he really is.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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