Skip to main content

Not An Ending...



And now...farewell to kindness, humanity and gratitude. I have substituted myself for Providence in rewarding the good; may the God of vengeance now yield me His place to punish the wicked.

Who benefited today? My wishes and concerns were not heard, and we are back at fucking square one... with nothing to show for six year of hell. I objected to this course of events and was still forced into a fucking corner, with No options, and even less than I had before. I am glad that I made sure that my objection was heard in court and I expect the next step of this to go exactly as predicted. I trust no one and even those that are supposed to have my interests as well as my fucking son's in mind fuck me over what I told him to do.. I want to see that bitch on the stand.. I want to see her testify... It's about a pound of flesh, I understand that the family court system is far beyond broken but she should not be able to spend almost every second of his life preventing me from being a father in his life and the courts should not justify that. But that's what has happened and what will continue to fucking happen... I strongly suspect I have a coward in my corner that is afraid to make waves and that is something I need to consider moving forward... i felt i was bullied last week when i put my foot down, now I'll be fucking honest.. I feel like he Fucked me... he and I both know that nothing will be followed thru and i have no protections from the court at all now.. so yeah, he fucked me. this will all begin again... There is a sad bit of relief within me that now I do have some options about all the involved parties, and if certain follow thru's are not done... if they haven't noticed i have literally nothing to live for.. eking out an existence of survival isn't exactly something that gives a man a whole lot to live for... i don't have much left... but i wont go down alone.. I can, will and have adapted a scorched earth policy. I will burn everyone... so I don't have to play in the fire alone... but it's fucking sad that revenge and retribution is all that i have left to believe in. This war isn't about to end. there will be casualties on both sides by my hand if it comes down to it, because when it comes to my son there's only one person that I will not destroy... and that's him... his mother's already done a good enough job of that.

Current Mood: Pissed off.

You know what’s worse than burying your own child? Not burying your own child.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...