Skip to main content

Coma White



I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.

I am constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me.


I'm not begging anyone to stay in my life... if you want me out of it, the message has been fucking received, I'm making my choices on whats best for me and only for me... There's too many people in my life that are drama right now, IF you don't want to be in my life, so be it, I don't want you there. I'm know for fucking walking away to focus on whats truly important to me. I can't deal with the negativity that's coming around, I have no problem leaving people that by their actions and behaviors have already left me. im not gonna fight to save anyone's soul by my own now. and mines already corrupted to shit so whats the fucking point. I'm done fighting, I'm done with negative people and I'm done with giving a shit.. I'm slowly not caring again and when i get to that point i will and have lacked empathy for everyone and everything, it's just my nature to hate and not care.. I don't want to be angry and I don't want to fucking fight anyone at this stage.. but I don't care anymore either.. if it's me against the world, fuck the world I choose myself.... I always have, I always will.

There are things that are important to me and always will be, and there are things i leave lying in a bloody gutter with no fucking looking back, It's up to you to choose which one you are. i'm starting to figure who is gonna be there in the long run and the list is slowly dwindling... if you're poison to my life why the hell do i want that cancer inside of me? i stared so long into the abyss I became the fucking thing... If my fucking darkness is the only thing to keep me company i'll stay inside shackled to it's warm embrace.

I have burnt bridges with so called friends and so called fucking family for less than what I'm dealing with in my head right now... I'm sick of my life and I'm sick of being angry and fucking fighting Just to exist. there is nothing I want anymore than to be happy, but that's not going to happen. Other than a few fleeting moments. That's the reality of my life.. everyone Fades away.. and I'm still here King Of the Mountain, Still standing.. Still the King. King Nothing. Let me pour you a drink from my stained chalice...

I don't need people, I never have, it's been so much easier to walk away and be fucking ignored. that's status quo for me.. i make my own way in the world and I don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of me. I never have.. this universe has never given me a fucking reason to care so why the hell should I now at the end of the fucking road when I have nothing left of value should I give a damn about what happens to me, much less what happens to anyone else. that's the perspective I'm sitting at right now. that's how little I care.

Deal with it.

Current Mood: Confused.
Current Music: Bela's Lugosi's dead, Bauhaus

A lot of you cared, just not enough.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...