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Coma White



I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.

I am constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me.

I'm not begging anyone to stay in my life... if you want me out of it, the message has been fucking received, I'm making my choices on whats best for me and only for me... There's too many people in my life that are drama right now, IF you don't want to be in my life, so be it, I don't want you there. I'm know for fucking walking away to focus on whats truly important to me. I can't deal with the negativity that's coming around, I have no problem leaving people that by their actions and behaviors have already left me. im not gonna fight to save anyone's soul by my own now. and mines already corrupted to shit so whats the fucking point. I'm done fighting, I'm done with negative people and I'm done with giving a shit.. I'm slowly not caring again and when i get to that point i will and have lacked empathy for everyone and everything, it's just my nature to hate and not care.. I don't want to be angry and I don't want to fucking fight anyone at this stage.. but I don't care anymore either.. if it's me against the world, fuck the world I choose myself.... I always have, I always will.

There are things that are important to me and always will be, and there are things i leave lying in a bloody gutter with no fucking looking back, It's up to you to choose which one you are. i'm starting to figure who is gonna be there in the long run and the list is slowly dwindling... if you're poison to my life why the hell do i want that cancer inside of me? i stared so long into the abyss I became the fucking thing... If my fucking darkness is the only thing to keep me company i'll stay inside shackled to it's warm embrace.

I have burnt bridges with so called friends and so called fucking family for less than what I'm dealing with in my head right now... I'm sick of my life and I'm sick of being angry and fucking fighting Just to exist. there is nothing I want anymore than to be happy, but that's not going to happen. Other than a few fleeting moments. That's the reality of my life.. everyone Fades away.. and I'm still here King Of the Mountain, Still standing.. Still the King. King Nothing. Let me pour you a drink from my stained chalice...

I don't need people, I never have, it's been so much easier to walk away and be fucking ignored. that's status quo for me.. i make my own way in the world and I don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of me. I never have.. this universe has never given me a fucking reason to care so why the hell should I now at the end of the fucking road when I have nothing left of value should I give a damn about what happens to me, much less what happens to anyone else. that's the perspective I'm sitting at right now. that's how little I care.

Deal with it.

Current Mood: Confused.
Current Music: Bela's Lugosi's dead, Bauhaus

A lot of you cared, just not enough.

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