Skip to main content

The Pale King.



I do things alone because I have a life beyond Hamilton. In both directions, some days maybe even my Toronto connections are still the same ones I was running away for as a child. I have a group of people that I have fun with and it’s separate from every responsibility both current and historical. It’s nice to have that little escape every once in a while and just be Bones. 


It’s who I started out as, it’s who I’ll likely be remembered the most as. I lived. I had fun and I did things.that’s all that’s left for me to accomplish.


There are days i choose to do things and buy things just for me because there are fucking people that are financial drains on me and i cant count on others in my life when push comes to fuckin shove. I love my life and i love being there for the fucking ones i love but i swear to you there are moments in my fucking life when that all i had to take care of myself and maybe my son things were simpler than having people around.


Anyone i do for now has my respect and patience but sometimes it’s difficult to keep things together when bad choices are made. But then again the story of my life. I get to sacrifice so someone else gets to be comfortable. I’m fucking used to it. I allow the behaviour to repeat over and over again until I get fed up with it. 


For now I just need to have the odd escape from the reality of my life and be out with my friend’s, some of which I’ve known forever. That’s my private place to escape from all this. Just like before when I needed away from the drama of my life or school or whatever. It’s just nicer I am able to do it more often now. 


Whatever it is, it is still an escape that I need to do on a regular basis because it’s not just supporting someone else financially way too fucking much… it’s also me escaping from the voices in my fucking head. And trust me I do not want to be fucking alone with them.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...