Frustration Station.

i am slowly trying to maintian a balance between the positivity and the negativity that currently embrace my life... i am sick of trying to deal with beuacratic nightmares when i am trying to be positive and make a diffrence in mine as well as other's lifes... i don't need early morning bullshit when you don't have any better of an answer than the one i have already provided, things need to be done and now. i'd like to be employed and being a positive member of society not a drain on society, i just spent six fucking months dealing with the dregs of society in a job i only took to provide for my family. i am losing patience with the goverment and with everyone around me. i feel i am in a hole i can no longer dig myself out of and i don't know what to do... but fuck... i'm trying to find a way out of it.

it's probaly both cathatric and healthy/unhealthy for me but i'm writing poetry and angered emotions in my little black book agian, some of it is positive but not all of it is... it is a release of emotions and i am suddenly more and more aware of that fact and more cogniscant of it.

Current Mood: frustrated but hopeful.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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