Skip to main content

DISASSOCIATIVE


One is beginning to wonder when the dream becomes a disease... i cannot find balance and recharge my batteries without going back into work for what is supposed to be the relaxed shift without dealing with a shitstorm, i am becoming very fucking stressed out and being chewed out immediatley after or in the middle of a crisis is not healthy for my mental health or theirs, either i do too much or i'm not doing too much... there is no balance here and i am starting to feel it's an unsafe enviorment, and No I'm not talking about me. i am very glad i am aware there other options out there in other homes and i am intending to continue to persue them , there is a reason i'm interviewing in burlington i'm not going to burn out fast or fade away at this job... if there is something better out there it may hurt but i am starting to feel that may eventually be a better option... I am trying my hardest but i am starting to feel like a peon... and i know how that feels on a regular basis... i don't want it to start happeneing agian...and i don't like being treated like i'm expendable when i work 66 fucking hours every week recently. IF i'm Useless why do you constantly call me in for shifts, of course the problem is not with me it's with everything there and the cracks are beginning to show. i was hoping this would be a happy rather than a dark update today but as usual it's not.. and i'm feeling that way, i wonder how they feel and are meant to feel by others... hopefully one day there's a light at the end of the tunnel but right now all I see are walls meant for protection crumbling under years of neglect.

Current Mood: Bad.

Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici... "By the power of truth I, while living, have conquered the universe".

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...
Post a Comment
Read more