Skip to main content

Confusion.


SO anyways... i am wondering what the hell is going on in my life agian.. i am finding things are agian becoming anarchy in my personal and professional lives? what the fuck is with having my shifts cut back to nothing.. fuck lay me off already... at least that way i'd have to go get EI instead of begging on my hands and knees to the fucking goverment.. i'm in love with that... please help me pay the rent so i can afford to go to work... and of course.. if not i'm homeless when i finally found something i can stay at long term with just enough room.

One however must wait and expect the other shoe to drop at the same time however, St.Catherines isn't answering, i'm glad i'm not there in person but i'd like to be able to discuss options with all this goddamn freetime off esp. with the fact that the cottage may or may not be a possibilty if things pick up at work.. at this point...i can't afford to take a vacation.. so we will see if we go this year... maybe it's better that people aren't around me today... i'm fucking Miserable.. maybe i'll get my paycheque and drink the four beers in the fridge and go see transformers and not give a shit about the world... gotta make sure everythings Kosher with my little man and next week tho. i will fiogure it all out but right now i need to explore every and any Options.

Current Mood: Miserable.

Happiness is a prison. Happiness is the most insidious prison of all.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact.  You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family.  Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...