Operation: Mindcrime II

It was nice to actually get some rest last night and this morning without having to worry about everything in this world that's fucking wrong, but that doesn't erase the stain of everything thats wrong in the system, and it doesn't dismniss reactionary assholes and egos at my job, I really need to go into buisness for myself, time to stop hiding in the shadows and become an advocate or something that is fufilling, i am sick of this robot mode lifestyle where the clients are merely warehoused and stupid punishments are meted out even when expectations are followed, everyone has their own feifdoms and ther is no real communication, I am sick of fighting losing battles, it doesn't help when The kids are feral due to poor food choices of their and my overseers, I can't change anything there but i find the lack of rules, the lack of follow thru and the lack of some of their basic rights is understanbly getting to me, and the fact that it has arisen a crisis which is playing heavily on my mind and personal safety and created an enviorment where I am less than 100% because of sleep exhaustion because of a credible threat that was dismissed first hand and I have had to follow up in the long term. enough is enough and it's time for the change, and the first agent of change is inside me.

Current Mood: Rested but Frustrated.
Whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you...stranger.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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