Institutionalized

This morning was the last final fucking straw, I cannot fucking deal with the verbal abuse from the clients when it's fucking obvious that I am not being supported by management, you can see from behaviors when something is about to escelate and there is no fucking attempt at deesclitation afterwards, i'm just a fucking overnight placeholder, I might as well be working in a fucking daycare, nothing i say or do matters, there's no point, we are simply warehousing these fucking kids until they end up in thorold or barton, I can't care because No one else does, esp. my boss... When i try and deal with it with management i get the typical reponse that's it's not so bad? It is fucking bad, you leave staff wide open for verbal abuse and accusations, but of course it's all good because we have to coddle these kids and make sure they are happy and toilet trained and keep the money flowing in right? I'm not seeing any of that cheedar so i'm gonna have a fucking opinion, you can't placate someone on Mininum Wage at full time even, I know my skills are worth more than that. there is a letter being written to upper mangement about what's going on behind them fucking doors.. and i don't care if you don't get fucking wind of it until afterwards... and i'm pretty set on a quitting date, It get's to a fucking point where i have to put my ethics and ideals first before i end up burned up and useless and i totally lose the fucking spark that makes me forget why i wanted to be a child and youth worker in the first place, you want the bones from my back take em, but when you go after my heart and soul, i'm fucking done.

Current Mood: Frustrated.
The difference between insane asylums and our schools is that in the insane asylum you have to show some improvement before you can get out.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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