Institutionalized

This morning was the last final fucking straw, I cannot fucking deal with the verbal abuse from the clients when it's fucking obvious that I am not being supported by management, you can see from behaviors when something is about to escelate and there is no fucking attempt at deesclitation afterwards, i'm just a fucking overnight placeholder, I might as well be working in a fucking daycare, nothing i say or do matters, there's no point, we are simply warehousing these fucking kids until they end up in thorold or barton, I can't care because No one else does, esp. my boss... When i try and deal with it with management i get the typical reponse that's it's not so bad? It is fucking bad, you leave staff wide open for verbal abuse and accusations, but of course it's all good because we have to coddle these kids and make sure they are happy and toilet trained and keep the money flowing in right? I'm not seeing any of that cheedar so i'm gonna have a fucking opinion, you can't placate someone on Mininum Wage at full time even, I know my skills are worth more than that. there is a letter being written to upper mangement about what's going on behind them fucking doors.. and i don't care if you don't get fucking wind of it until afterwards... and i'm pretty set on a quitting date, It get's to a fucking point where i have to put my ethics and ideals first before i end up burned up and useless and i totally lose the fucking spark that makes me forget why i wanted to be a child and youth worker in the first place, you want the bones from my back take em, but when you go after my heart and soul, i'm fucking done.

Current Mood: Frustrated.
The difference between insane asylums and our schools is that in the insane asylum you have to show some improvement before you can get out.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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