A History of Violence

I am not going to let anyone Intimidate me especially this late in the game, I'm the intimidating one not anyone else, maybe some of the people that have crossed me in this life and the corrupt civil servants who took there time not investigating shit should try not to attempt to intimidate me, even if i was sitting in a padded room with the cuffs on, i would not be intimidated, i know who i am and what I am, and that's something nobody can take away from me... there's a reality out there that people have created and it's not the truth, but then again, who ever said you needed the truth to condemn a man, i am a student of history after all... it's funny that the minute i start making changes in life by some coincidence the phone rings, wonder what will happen when this is back in court....I'm sick of people trying to manipulate my life, people that don't know me.. it all comes down to the one person who i thought knew me but really all she wanted was whatever i couldn't give her... that's the ultimate manipulation, I'm tired of playing her game, I'm too old for all of this shit. i should not have had my childhood manipulated into something they can use against me at age 35. it doesn't seem to matter anything I've done past the fact that i was damaged goods as a kid, and therefore by extension I'm still damaged goods creating more damaged goods. The easier way out back in Windsor should have been the decision but i could never have made that fucking decision and she knows it... i wonder if this was the plan all along.. to destroy me... I am seriously at this point thinking of turning my back on my life and starting anew, Windsor, Vancouver and parts of England are all options... but then again there is the whole thing of I'm not going to run, i might go afterward, but as long as there is a battle to be fought and a fight to be embroiled in I'm going to be in the thick of it, Only guilty men run.

Current Mood: Angry.
Beware the person who has nothing to lose.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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