Death: The High Cost of Living

I sit around bored with my head in my hands or i go out and hang out with my friends, i have no real goals at the moment and can't be bothered to see past tomorrow, i hate this city and anger and hate are becoming more pronounced towards certain people that seek to destroy me, they can destroy me all they want I am a phoenix born of fire. every time i am broken down i get up, stronger than before...it just saddens me to see things turning out the way they did... too bad this life is all about tribulations, not sure what my next is going to be but i am going to make it soon and some of the people that have made me feel this way are going to feel it's wrath, there's no time like the present but i can't be bothered to be a person with a dark soul that would wish any kind of malice on anyone, maybe a darker nastier me would have had a better road, and maybe at the end of the day i will be darker and bitter and a lot of light within my soul will wither on the vine and die, leaving only the black soul... but maybe that's for a good reason, maybe i will see things clearer and shut my heart down from all possibilities and become... the nothingness i already feel i am.

Current Mood: Depressed.
Hatred is the coward's revenge for being intimidated.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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