The Void. (Into the Black.)

My darkest moments and places i never imagined would be ever be like this. I am starting to make serious decisions about who and what I am and Who i am going to be.. last week was a revelation especially in the fact that some people will never change and hanging onto hope that the world will change for the better is a pipe dream. It's time to focus only on what is ultimately important and not depress myself to the point of not moving for an entire day because I can't feel a thing, I've often said it's better to be feared than Loved, and this is true.. but it's also better to be driven and angry than depressed and powerless. there is nothing that can stop me in this world and the more and more things i have taken away in the equation the angrier and more driven I become.. however I am not the only one who needs to make change in their life.. it would be very easy to fall into familiar patterns and go back to a way of life i have divorced myself from for many years... that being said Sometimes I wish some of the people around me need to also stop using familiar behaviors and using excuses for their actions, there is only one life time... you either live long enough to become the Villain or you Die a hero... the choice Is up to you... I know at the end of the day which way i'm going to remembered by most... can you say the same?

Current Mood: Depressed, Determined.
There is a difference between you and me. We both looked into the abyss, but when it looked back as us, you blinked.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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