The Void. (Into the Black.)

My darkest moments and places i never imagined would be ever be like this. I am starting to make serious decisions about who and what I am and Who i am going to be.. last week was a revelation especially in the fact that some people will never change and hanging onto hope that the world will change for the better is a pipe dream. It's time to focus only on what is ultimately important and not depress myself to the point of not moving for an entire day because I can't feel a thing, I've often said it's better to be feared than Loved, and this is true.. but it's also better to be driven and angry than depressed and powerless. there is nothing that can stop me in this world and the more and more things i have taken away in the equation the angrier and more driven I become.. however I am not the only one who needs to make change in their life.. it would be very easy to fall into familiar patterns and go back to a way of life i have divorced myself from for many years... that being said Sometimes I wish some of the people around me need to also stop using familiar behaviors and using excuses for their actions, there is only one life time... you either live long enough to become the Villain or you Die a hero... the choice Is up to you... I know at the end of the day which way i'm going to remembered by most... can you say the same?

Current Mood: Depressed, Determined.
There is a difference between you and me. We both looked into the abyss, but when it looked back as us, you blinked.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Search This Blog