Skip to main content

My Demons.....

I have Demons, I have backed away or shied away from that fact.. they don't dictate what i do in my life however, I am getting frustrated by the fact that it is another day of just hitting brick walls and today I can't even leave Dundas do to cash flow to get anything else done in my life, I once felt trapped so far away in Windsor, Now i long for it... I almost wonder sometimes why the decisions I have made in my life to be a bleeding heart and to try and be a positive person were worth it, looking back on my life I am not so sure, espically with everyone I knew professionally stabbing me in the back, at least i have a home that i can keep a roof over my head and some good family and friends that see the true me above and beyond all the poisons that have infected my life and very sanity, this battle is long and hard and it's good to have support. it's even better to remember exactly what I'm fighting for and whom. as long i remeber I have both of those I'll be fine, even if my universe is swirling the drain...

Current Mood: Apathetic.
Defeat never comes to any man until he admits it.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact.  You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family.  Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...