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14 Years....



14 years of silence
Its been
14 years of pain
Its been
14 years that are gone forever
And I'll never have again

Happy 14th anniversary Cunt... i should have left you on the side of the street in the gutter where you belonged. I am having diffifuculties dealing with the fact that as of today it has actually been fourteen fucking years since you entered my life on a permanent basis, and completely fucking destroyed it.. you, who knew everything about me, and exactly who I am, for fucks sake... i met you on the first week of my second year of college to be a child and youth and youth worker, you edited most of my paper's, i trusted you completely, and for you to have used all that you know to destroy me shows your true colours, colours i should have always known.. once you were my heart and soul, that was a very long time ago, My soul died a long time ago, as did most of my black heart.. what remains are the peices that have always been there, the peices that were there long before i had ever met you or wanted any part of you.. a refusal to back down, a reason to fight, to never walk away from what i know is right... at this point that refusal to back down and reason to fight are one in the same..to never walk away from my son, as much as you'd like to me to.. to disapear, it's not going to happen I have either one way or another barring about 15 months in 03-04 (happiest time of my life btw.) either been in love with you or at war with you since september 9th 2000, it's 2014, id like both to change... one you have completely obliverated. that love, that ember i held for you for way too fucking long? it was very, very fucking easy for you to turn that into the black fire of hate... at least now with that, i know we are on the same page... the war.. the war you started on December 31st 2004? it continues, at some point's we had detente, but for most of his ten year lifetime.. we have been at battle... mommy fighting with daddy, or daddy not being around, that's all that little boy has known, when i met you and talked about children when we got serious this was never what i wanted... of course, i probaly should have found someone more mentally stable...but this is a war, and war's end one of two ways, either every combatant dies, or the reason for fighting is no longer there? will it come to that? will this battle continue until his eighteenth birthday? it has to end, you can't hide behind the system forever.. when he grows up and i give him all of the documents and tell him everything I know... He can hate me, I'm perfectly willing to accept that, but i will tell him everything and I know that for sure, I won't be the only one he hate's.

So hard to keep my own head... thats what I say
You know.. I've been the dealer
Hangin on your street
I was the dog... they all tried to beat

Bullshit and contemplation
Gossips their trade
If they knew half the real truth
What would they say
Well I'm past the point of concern
Its time to play
These last 4 years of madness
Sure put me straight
Don't get back 14 years
In just one day
So hard to keep my own head
Just go away

Current Mood: Angry, Bitter. This isn't what my life was supposed to be.

Put a man on the brink of the abyss and - in the unlikely event that he doesn't fall into it - he will become a mystic or a madman... Which is probably the same thing!

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