Prime Directives

Things are going well and I am trying to make things go right for this weekend, this is going to be a huge change in lifestyle and the way i go about doing things.... having a parachute to be able to deal with some of the finacial concerns is an even better situation but it is very good that i am jettisoning some of the cheaper stock and still making a little bit of profit on some of it even if some of it is just me recovering costs. It doesn't hurt me and in fact helps me a little as to having space for more important things, and knowing that some other kid instead of mine is benefiting helps, i got into this thing because i had too much crap for my kid, it fucking exploded into me just having too much of everything just to provide myself an income and to pay the legal bills, and Now after trying for months to transition away from it I am stuck here holding all the stuck and the bag, in my world you fuck off on someone for over a month that's called abandonment, I do care that I'm getting fucked out of a show this weekend but i have made serious fucking plans for the next one to do myself if that's what it comes down to. I won't get screwed out of the money that is rightfully mine and that is owed, I worked too fucking hard at this shit to lose everything, but it has been put away in it's proper place and we will see what the future holds, but for now, the first order of buisness is taking care of me.

Current Mood: Annoyed, Hungry.

We are all selfish and I no more trust myself than others with a good motive.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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