Skip to main content

The 40th Day III: Suicide Squad


There are days and memories that remind me of the man and the father that I am, what my family did for me for my birthday speaks so much louder than words, and matters so fucking much. I am a good father, a good friend and a good man, the people I love and that choose to love me are testament to that. The fact that I have adventures along the way that others take as at the least exaggeration, and others claim that I am just fucking lying? That's bullshit, if I said I did something I did it, I've lived a charmed and epic life full of great moments, tonight was one if those, seeing a superhero film I had watched filmed on young street where I once live as a homeless youth, that was lightning in a bottle, seeing a movie filmed with my best friend from England on it's last night which was my last epic surprise, having him come back to see it with me in the theater, that speaks to friendship and character. Which if course I have none of, that's sarcasm BTW. Only one thing could have made this experience better, and that time will come.

In the near future I need to make some hard and fast decisions about my next steps. But the fact that I have some moments where the light truly shined in, will make some of those thunderous footsteps of change in my life seem a little simpler. I do know and understand what it takes to be truly happy, and I'm sick of these little rays of sunshine being the little breaks in the darkness, it's time to face the sun on a regular basis, it's time to be happy, it's time to stop dwelling and living in the past. Live for today, you don't know what tomorrow brings... I'm grateful for my family and friends, I haven't had this much fun or been this happy in a long while. There are simply amazing things that need to be done and enjoyed, and sometimes in these moments I just need to savor the fine wine that is the great moments in my life and not fucking dwell on the bitter taste of the rest of it.

Current Mood: Happy.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...