Skip to main content

The Game..

It was like when you make a move in chess and just as you take your finger off the piece, you see the mistake you've made, and there's this panic because you don't know yet the scale of disaster you've left yourself open to.

Sometimes I have to do things like tonight to remind myself that I am normal and just angry and depressed and driven once in a while to maintain my sanity. it hopefully will be the lasttime i attend something like that without my son and his presence was felt and missed tonight.. we will see what the next month or so goes, but tonight would have been an experince he would have enjoyed, and i really missed the fact he wasnt there..seeing something that i have been into snce i was a child and shared with him before,i really missed him tonight. hopfully tonight is the last time i do something epic and interesting without him,the next few months will prove the reality of that. i needed to recharge and tonight helped with that. it was nice to see some favorite wrestlers and experince it alone but it would have been better with company. i missed my best freind as well given that relationship started with a mutual love of the wwe, it would be cool to duplicate this experince with him as well. there are things on the bucket list that have to been done...but i've taken my moment to escape reality only for a moment.its time to focus on what i have to do now, time enough for the fun stuff later.

Current Mood: Happy, Tired

How dreadful...to be caught up in a game and have no idea of the rules.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...