Skip to main content

Piece of Mind?

There are times when the mind is dealt such a blow it hides itself in insanity. While this may not seem beneficial, it is. There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind.

I have stopped caring... All the good things in me, the good and true things that make me whole are disappearing... i reach out for help from the medical establishment and all i get are fucking brick walls and the same old nonsense of whatever, let things remain status quo because they can't be bothered with a fucking insect to help, i don't have a drug addiction and i'm not just off the fucking boat so i must not be fucking in need of help... so things will remain exactly as they are... whats the fucking point of reaching out for the help i needed 30 years ago if all i am gonna fucking get is a brick wall.. these assholes in the system raised me and now don't even acknowledge the facts of my life.. and they wonder why i stepped the fuck away from needing or wanting any of their fucking help... I've seen exactly the kind of fucking help the supposedly prescribe.. I don't need or fucking want it.. This whole thing was a means to a fucking end but of course.. I'm not worthy.

Therefore I don't care.. it's as fucking simple as that... i do not fucking care.. it's not about what happens to me anyways... i fought my battles with nothing and I did the right fucking thing for as long as i fucking could... I guess I'm just made to suffer.. maybe it's just fucking time i let the rage, the anger and the darker sides take over.. it's not like i didn't fucking try to be a good person and do things right.. but this bullshit that is my life followed me and followed me.. but the fucking moment i need it even with a stack of fucking paper a mile long i get some joker that can hardly read English translating it a million different ways wrong...

.. maybe i should just give in to anger and hate and hate people it's fucking easier.. it's what I'm damn good at too.. not giving a fuck, and not caring how my actions affect others... at least that way, I might get ahead in this world.

Current Moood: Angry, Depressed.

Insanity is everyone expecting you not to fall apart when you find out everything you believed in was a lie.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...
Post a Comment
Read more