Lethal Protector

You have no right to call upon and ask for protection and support when you involve yourself in drama, I’m not there and that’s you’re doing. Yet the fact that I will always be there for you weighs heavily on my mind. I will always take that stupid fucking call.

But early morning wake ups about you’re pathetic little dramas about other men are not something I truly need to deal with. Especially not this weekend, this is why there will likely never be another moment for us... because instead of holding or talking to the one that means the most to you, you deal with fuckin randoms and then call me to throw it in my face and I’m hardly awake and I don’t even understand.

I hate the fact that you will always use my as a protector but always from afar, you want all the benefits of what we were.

We aren’t that anymore. Maybe we are getting closer to it, maybe one misstep and I’m going back to living in a box... I don’t trust you and there are times when I want to give you my all and I can’t.

This isn’t what I signed on... and the way you behave has me fearing for my kid. He sees all the same actions I do. I will always be there but there are fucking days I don’t have to like it. Today is one of them.

I will always have you’re back even when you fucking destroyed me, the heart wants what it wants. But, One of needs to grow up, and clearly it’s no longer me.

Current Mood: Confused.

Current Music: The Quiet Room, Alice Cooper.

"I've seen knights in armour panic at the first hint of battle. And I've seen the lowliest unarmed squire pull a spear from his own body, to defend a dying horse. Nobility is not a birthright; it's defined by one's actions."

—Robin of Locksley

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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