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Until You Come Back Home....

  The only place I feel safe in this world is in your arms and I’m pretty sure you feel the same even tho you are afraid of it.


I just want you back and I know how much this week affects you, so I will be there without question. It’s what she would have wanted. That’s fuel for a lot of my thoughts. She would have been happiest had we stayed together and I think our world would be a lot different if we we had made different choices. I’m just trying to get back to that. This isn’t what it’s meant to be for either of us, and maybe we would be stronger together?


I don’t where my life is going and I hate that it remains status quo with everything happening around me. I only ever see my future in your eyes, no matter how long that takes. 


I hold no expectations, just hope that one day I’ll be enough that you decide the same.


My real ties, my real home, the things that matter are with you. Not here. Not Windsor, that door is permanently closed anyways. I know where I stand, what’s important and what I want. I’m just trying to have patience to see it thru.


I don’t look back... certain parts of my life are done. Windsor is a closed door other than education. Without it I wouldn’t have the things I do have so I am grateful for my education and my options but I need to look farther back and do what’s always been right for me and my little family. That’s where my prerogatives always should have been. I made choices without the wealth of experience. Now I’m just trying to make choices that are right for me, I’m sick of wandering aimlessly in my life. The one time in my life I was ever focused was with you. Let’s get back to that.


There are questions and I know this time of year isn’t time to pressure. We are both sad and depressed about something not in our control. But I do know the things I can control and I am trying to Persue those things between me and you. There is no timeline and no time limit, neither one of us have ever played by any rules... but maybe we should play together agian. 


You’re not the only one hurting this week, and maybe you should realize that instead of roping me back in and then going silent. I can’t turn it off, I don’t want to. But one day I will and it will be forever. It won’t ever turn back on. I don’t want that and neither do you. So decide, do you want me in you’re life or do want me gone. I’m good with both.


I just can’t live in the numbing void of nothingness not knowing where things are going to end up. I can’t move on with you fucking dragging me down and I’m afraid to completely let you go for fear of hurting you worse.


So make you’re choice, one or the other is going to inevitably happen anyways.


Current Mood: Depressed



Who will be your pretty little enemy? 

When I'm gone your world will prove empty 

I promise, you will always remember me.

— Coheed and Cambria, "Deranged"


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