The Final Line in The Sand....

I'm calling you're bluff. I want to see if you love him more than you hate me. You're actions this week will prove fucking everything.

Our natural order is hating each other. The time for any moment of love is long past. You're most recent actions always prove this. It's logical for you to be my enemy. It's not intelligent but emotional for you to be my soulmate. It's something you will always be, but we are damaged and better on opposing sides.

One of us always has to be the fucking villain. Might as well be me for the moment because one day that will change and you're cowardice will be exposed.

You betrayed me, over and over again and still I forgave you. I tried to love you when every instinct was to run, every instinct still is to hate you. My feelings for you run deep and some of them run dark. And you fucking wonder why I have abandonment issues.... here's a clue. But my abandonment issues are nothing in comparison to yours. I can look at the man in the mirror every morning and say I tried my damndest and my hardest to keep my family together.

While you're world crumbles with or without me...

... I'll still be here waiting to catch you when you fall. I'll always be here. Whether or not you love me or you hate me, and I don't think you truly hate me. I don't think you do anything but love me. But I think we are complicated.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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